


The Selkie of Mac-Meanmna

by thedarkstrangeson



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Altered Mental States, Angst, Dehumanization, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Has Issues, Feelings, Fighting, Fluff, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Knives, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Illness, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of genocide, Morally Grey Sides, Mutual Pining, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic Attacks, Past Anxceit, Past Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Pining, References to Depression, Roceit - Freeform, Selkies, Thomas Sanders Storytime Big Bang Challenge 2020, Unsympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides), WARNINGS:, but they mostly aren't doing it on purpose, cursing, if you are extremely attached to any of the sides this might not be the fic for you, implied major character death, injuries, so be prepared, there are so many feelings in this fic you wouldn't believe, there is a lot of cursing, there's cameos for other characters in here if you spot them, theres a vague description of one of those injuries, this is the selkie fic nobody asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:02:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26119231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedarkstrangeson/pseuds/thedarkstrangeson
Summary: There's a legend, on the Isle of Mac-Meanmna, that the seal-folk once lived in its waters. But the people of the island and the selkies could not coexist. The humans claimed the selkies were kidnappers, taking innocents to a watery grave, never to be scene again. When war inevitably broke out, it was the selkies who were banished deep into the sea, or driven extinct.Janus, however, knew these words to be half-truths. The selkies were kidnappers, yes, but they were lovers above all else. People had been rumored to seal a selkie's cloak, and take the seal-folk for spouses. The islanders, after the war, claimed that the selkies were gone, but Janus' father had taught him better than that. The creatures were still out there, and they were to be avoided at all costs. They would take everything from you, and for Janus they already had. So, when he found one of them abandoned on the shore, how was he supposed to react? Certainly not by taking him home. That would be absurd, and entirely too dangerous.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34
Collections: Storytime! 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ohhhhh my goodness hello! Welcome to my fic for this year's big bang, I am so excited to share it with you. Many thanks my beta reader (you are lovely and you better know it) and everybody who has helped hype me up for writing this over the last few months.
> 
> If you like, you can find me on tumblr @thedarkstrangeson. I write, occasionally. 
> 
> This fic can get heavy in spots, so please check out the tags if there's anything that could be an issue. 
> 
> Also, some of the sides have different names, to go with the celtic-inspired vibe of this story. Ronan is Roman, Padraig is Patton, and Logan is Lorcan.
> 
> Okay that's it from me! I hope you enjoy the story.

The sunrise out over the water was, objectively, beautiful. But Janus was suspicious of the illusory beauty, the sun tainting his grief with its warm glow. The clouds, however, hung low on the horizon, and encroached upon his rickety cabin. The wind tugged at the window shutters until they rattled, but Janus soon heard none of it. He was already lost in another time.

Years ago, there was another gusty morning in late autumn, when all the leaves had turned but the truly cold time of the year hadn’t yet crept into town. The trees showered the ground with their golden gifts, covering the island’s trails with the lush, royal carpet. Jay smiled softly to himself as he opened the kitchen windows in his cheery cabin, admiring the gold the sunrise painted in bold strokes across the sky. He turned back to the bedroom he shared with his husband, the town’s resident emo. 

“Good morning, dearest!” he sang. Virgil grumbled and pulled the covers tighter around himself. 

“Hey, don’t let that cold air in,” he mumbled into a pillow.

“Sweetheart, it’s a beautiful day. You should get up and work on that scarf of yours. It’d make you feel better to make something, right?”

“Hmpf.” Virgil averted his eyes. Usually it really brightened him up in the morning to wake up next to his husband but today something was… off. 

“Hey,” Jay said, sitting down on their bed, “You alright?”

“I… don’t think so.” He studied the quilt, twisting the fabric between his fingers. “Things have been really hard lately. I thought I was getting better but…” his words tapered off. “Why don’t I feel better?”

“Honey, look at me,” Janus said, brushing Virgil’s hair back off his eyes. He had fishing to do today, but maybe it would be better if he stayed in to look after his husband. “It’s okay that you don’t feel okay right now. We can work on this together.”

Virgil had been alternating between not sleeping at all, and sleeping all too much. It was hard for him to get out of bed most mornings, and on the worst days… well, it was tough for Jay to see Virgil feeling this way again. But that was okay. They’d work on it together, like they always did. They’d be okay, right?

“I’ll stay home with you today; I don’t have to go out. I’ll just stay out a bit extra the rest of this week to make up—”

“No, Jay. You can go. I’ll be okay. I’ll just… take a shower today. One big thing, that’s it.” Virgil smiled thinly, trying to be reassuring. Jay didn’t quite agree but… he had to let his husband be independent, if he wanted it. He’d just try to get in the day’s catch as quickly as possible. Then he could bake Vee’s favorite bread to cheer him up, and maybe tomorrow would be better.

“Alright. So long as that’s definitely okay? But you can’t stop me from making you breakfast.”

Virgil relaxed at Jay’s agreement, sighing. “Fine. But then you’ve gotta go. I know you have lots to get done.”

Janus puttered around the kitchen for a few minutes, boiling some milk and stirring up a serving of oatmeal. He added brown sugar, sliced pears, and a dash of cinnamon; the fruit was perfectly ripe this time of year.

“Here you go, dearest. You need anything else?”

“No, this is more than enough. Maybe I could even meet you back at the dock tonight?”

“I’d love that. But don’t push yourself, alright? Everything’s going to be okay.”

They shared a warm kiss before Jay was on his way out to his boat, the  _ Linda. _ Sunlight on the island was valuable, and he needed to get the catch in before nightfall. He’d see Virgil in no time at all. Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

Janus glanced worriedly up at the clouds for the third time that minute. They had suddenly darkened a few minutes earlier, and were rolling ominously towards the  _ Linda _ . It would be a race back to the shore, but luckily the wind was with him, so he had a decent shot. He just didn’t want to get caught out in the rain; storms like this tended to whip up the waves and his small boat was simply not built to withstand them. He had been forced to cut short the fishing, although he had already gotten really close to his daily quota, so it shouldn’t prove to be much of an issue.

He trimmed the jib, then the mainsail, and the boat leapt forward.

“C’mon,  _ Linda _ , you’ve got this. Just keep it up for a little longer.”

Being out in these gusts was definitely taking a risk. They were known to shred sails, and then he’d be a sitting duck. He squinted towards the shore, judging the distance.

There appeared to be a figure on the beach, looking out to sea.

“Virgil… go back inside, dumbass, you’re going to get soaked any second now.” Of course, the figure didn’t move. Janus shook his head in exasperation and turned back to the tiller. Looking up a moment later, however, showed that there were now two people on the beach. One of them was definitely Virgil, but the other didn’t look familiar. He knew practically everyone in town, but this one was covered in a gray robe of some sort and gestured with the supple movements of—

“Selkie. Fuck, Virge, what did you get yourself into?” Despite the village-folks’ claims that the selkies were extinct, Jay had never really stopped believing. He got that from his father, he supposed. 

The sky darkened further as rain started to fall. Jay didn’t take his eyes off the shore, steering by memory more than anything else. The figures embraced, and he could see Virgil’s shoulder shaking in sobs. Maybe he had been crying this whole time.

“Stop! What are you doing to him?”

A wave came up in front of the figures, and time slowed. Jay knew, somewhere deep down and primally inextricable, that if he lost sight of his partner now he would never see him again. 

He stood up, the tiller forgotten, and opened his mouth to yell once more. 

His eyes met Virgil’s.

They seemed to be saying something.

The wave washed over them both, and Jay blinked, the spell broken. The  _ Linda _ jerked in the waves, and Jay stumbled and grabbed for the tiller, his sailor’s instincts taking over despite his panicked mind. When he was able to look up, the beach was empty. The weight of the world pressed down on his chest, and he struggled to breathe. Tears welled up until the shoreline blended with the sea. 

He sailed home.

He docked the boat.

He stumbled through the rain, the muddy path to their cabin sucking at his boots, hoping against hope that maybe,  _ maybe _ his eyes had deceived him, that Virgil didn’t go out at all, that he was going to be asleep in bed with that small smile on his lips and not a care in the world.

He opened the door.

“Virgil? Sweetheart, I had this horrible thought that something had happened…” It took him far too long to realize the cabin was empty.

Jay felt empty.

He cried, then, truly cried. Those deep, wracking sobs that claw their way out of your throat and leave you gasping for breath. He fell to his knees. The rain came down harder.

* * *

Five years later and Janus was once more alone with his mourning. The town had moved on long ago. They said they were sorry, of course, when they first heard what had happened. But really, were they? They all moved on so quickly - these things just  _ happened  _ they said, there was nothing to be done. _ How could they?  _

How could they desecrate Virgil’s memory like this? He didn’t want to go, that horrible  _ creature  _ just took him. The townspeople said the selkies were dead, but Jay had seen what he had seen. 

His hand shook, and Janus looked down to find a candle in it. He didn’t remember picking it up. But still, it was his ritual, and all that he could do. He rummaged in his desk, pulling out a match and striking it deftly against the box. As it came into flame, he held it to the candle, Virgil’s candle, until the wick lit. Flames like these, on a night like this, were entrancing. 

Warmth licked too close at his fingertips, and he belatedly realized that the match had burned down. He shook it out quickly before discarding it into the hearth. Candle in hand, he stepped out onto the porch and sat, bare feet pushing into the still-warm sand, grounding him. The wind closed the door for him.

He was there a long time, until the candle burned down and the wax dripped through his fingers. The wind never blew it out. He never took his eyes off it. The wick ultimately drowned in its own melted puddle. A twisted sort of fate. 

He went to bed. He didn’t fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The day dawned clear and bright, leaving the young selkies in high spirits. The full moon would rise that night, marking the one night each month they were permitted to go up to the surface. The adults phrased it as permitted, but they all knew that once the moonlight got a hold of the adolescent selkies nothing would stop them from finding their way to the beaches. 

**_It’s tonight! It’s tonight, tonight, tonight!_ **

Ronan zipped through the kelp forest, waking the rest of the pod as he went. They tumbled from their resting places in his wake, and blinked blearily back at him. **_He’s at it again…_**

Ronan broke through the surface in places, skipping along the waves in corkscrews.

**_Showoff._** The thought came from somewhere behind him, but he paid it no mind. The sun rays were too entertaining as they dappled the ocean floor in shifting patterns and played along his pelt. 

Lir permitting, that would be moonbeams soon. It had been way too long since he had danced along the shore, toes in the sand and that magical warmth in his cheeks. There was a time when the young selkies danced every night, but after the great war some two or three decades ago, that was put to a stop. The king banned them to go only once each moon-cycle, so that was how it was. Still, he stewed under the confinement.

**_Ronan._ **

He froze. It was Lorcan, King of the Selkies. And he was not particularly happy. 

**_Yes, Your Majesty?_ **

**_Why must you cause such a disturbance every morning?_ **

**_Oh, c’mon, I’m just keeping people alert!_ ** He playfully barrel rolled, but Lorcan didn’t react.  _ Why can’t the guy take a joke?  _ **_I’m sorry, Your Majesty. It’s just the moon that’s got my blood rushing,_ ** Ronan tried, deflated.

**_Really? Shouldn’t you be old enough already to resist the call of the moon?_ **

_ I’m older than you!  _ Ronan thought indignantly, but only replied,  **_I haven’t tried, and I’m not looking to start. It’s in our nature! It’s the one bit of magic we have left to us, Your Majesty._ **

**_You are putting the entire pod at risk._ **

**_You sound just like the elders, Lorrie. Don’t you remember how it used to be? It's been decades, don’t you think they’ve forgotten about us by now?_ **

**_The pod made mistakes that got most of us killed. I won’t let it happen again._ ** Lorcan turned to go.  **_And don’t call me Lorrie._ **

**_Wait_ ** **—** he had disappeared through the kelp.  _ Fuck. He never listens to me anymore. Doesn’t he realize that when he grew up, I did too?  _ Ronan swam off in a huff, looking for Padraig. The two of them and Lorcan had been close, once, but only his friendship with Pad had survived. Pad always seemed to know what to do, even if things couldn’t be fixed right off the bat.

**_Pad!_ ** He called.

**_Here, Ronan._ **

**_What?_ ** Ronan turned himself over, scanning the seafloor for a hidden Pad.

**_No, not down there, silly! Come up top!_ **

Ronan bobbed to the surface, glancing around for his friend. He soon caught sight of him, but not as expected.

Pad was on the surface, floating gently on his back. On his  _ human  _ back, with his seal-coat held carefully in his hands. Still, he had his eyes closed and the waves stirred his hair gently.

Ronan barked aloud at him, prompting him to crack an eye.

“What, come to chastise me? I thought you were my friend! And you know as well as I do that you’d rather be floating here too.”

Ronan burbled in response.

“Giving me the silent treatment too,” he laughed, “C’mon, Ro. Shift, and let's float here a bit. Like old times.”

Ronan gave him another baleful glance before his form shivered, merging with the water for a blink before he rolled. When he surfaced again, it was with his hair plastered over his eyes and his arms wrapped firmly around his seal-coat.

“Why is that so undignified?” asked Ronan.

“Ha, you just need more practice! Haven’t been around as long as old Padraig here.”

“Pad, we are two years apart.”

“See? I’ve been around longer!” 

Ronan just rolled his eyes at that one, and stretched all his limbs out as far as they could go. The coolness of the waves over his skin was a much needed relief.

“What’s wrong? You’re out here looking like a depressed sea-star.” said Pad.

“In a minute. It just feels good to be human right now.” 

When he was finally ready to talk, Ronan spent a solid hour ranting about Lorcan. 

“The selkie has absolutely no soul.”

“I know, he’s a real  _ drown- _ er!”

* * *

Some hours later, the moon rose on a still sea. The sand sparkled as clandestine creatures crept ashore, melting out of the waves into human forms and leaving not a trace of their passings.

There was magic in the air, each selkie pulled ashore by something that stirred deep within them, and awoke the long-forgotten steps of their dance once more. It was absolutely intoxicating.

Ronan shed his cloak as the wet sand tugged at his heels, draping it carelessly over a rock that would normally be too close to the ocean for comfort. But there were greater things on his mind, not the least of which being a dark-haired young selkie already slipping into the moon’s trance.  _ Is that… Aeon? Argon? Eden? Fuck if I know. I think I’ll ask him to dance. _

Everything was brighter under the full moon. It left each selkie, wave, and grain of sand glowing, and Ronan’s heart singing. It felt good—no, it was effervescent! A laugh bubbled up inside him until Ronan was shaking with this  _ joy _ , this moonbeam high.

He felt alive, really, truly alive, as though before now everything else had been just sleeping, just dreaming. This was glorious alacrity, vivid awareness of everything and nothing. The moon brought happiness into sharp focus and blurred out all that awkward, unnecessary stuff. 

But the  _ dancing _ , we mustn’t forget that. Dancing on the night of the full moon was all gyrating hips and arms outstretched, spinning yourself sick but always, always getting back up again because there was more music to find! What the music was, no selkie could ever quite tell you. All that was certain is that it was piercing. This music cut straight to your core, slicing open your heart until you bled out and thanked it, asking for more, just one more chord, one more note. 

Distantly, Ronan noticed that he was grinning, his smile stretched incomprehensibly wide across his face. Pad drifted through his field of view, and he reached out for him, missing by a foot at least.

**_P_ ** **a** **_aa_ ** **d** **_dd,_ ** **bu** **_dd_ ** **y** **_yyy,_ ** Ronan called out,  **o** **_h I m_ ** **e** **_ant to s_ ** **a** **_y t_ ** **h** **_at out louddd._ **

“Heyyyy Rooo,” said Pad, “Don’t fall overrrr I think I can’t catch youuu.” Any other sentences he might have managed quickly dissolved into giggles.

Ronan looked up to see selkies dancing above him. “Hehe Padddd, I fellll overrrr, like you saidddd.”

“Oh nooooo,” said Pad, “Goo’ luck getting uppp.”

“Why have you forsaken meeeeeeee!” Ronan yelled, before falling back onto the sand in another fit of laughter.

The rest of the night passed in swirled blurs of color, his worries drowned and buried under layers of cotton-stuff filling his head. The glee of dancing was undying, eternal, unending, until it wasn’t.

The glory of the night drained away, slowly and then all at once. Somewhere around him the other selkies gathered to go, but he was laying on the sand again, chasing that last bit of moon-joy. He reached for it, over and over again, but it never returned. He was left drained and exhausted, with those dark feelings creeping in again. Sadness, loneliness, unworthiness; all his old friends made their homes between his ears again.

He cried himself into blissful unconsciousness.

* * *

Ronan came to hours later, as the last sliver of moon dipped below the horizon. There was a sense of loss in his chest, but his moon-blind mind left it hard to pin down. 

The water was already beginning to lighten, much too soon. 

“Oh, what a night!” he yawned, stretching out his sore muscles. “Guys?”

He glanced around to find his podmates, but there was neither hide nor hair of them to be seen. Not only that, he wasn’t even underwater.

“Hey!” he shout-whispered, as the increasing danger of his situation dawned on him. He was supposed to be back in the kelp forest, sleeping off the night’s trance. But he was a lone selkie stranded on the beach, still in human form **—** _my coat_.

He dashed to the shoreline, scouting desperately around for the rock.

His search was to no avail; the rock was there, but his coat was nowhere to be found. He dug desperately through the sand around it, the grains scrapping at his skin but revealing nothing. A selkie’s cloak was everything to them, it made them who they were. It was like losing a limb **—** more than that, like losing their soul. And his cloak wasn’t here.

At that realization, Ronan collapsed to his knees. His vision blurred, and he wrapped his arms tight around himself. 

**_Is anyone there?_ **

**_Please…_ **

He let his sobs sweep over him, knowing all to be lost. _ I should hide. _ But what was the point? He was as good as dead, whether the humans found him now or later would make no difference. A lone selkie was a dead selkie.

Resigned, he slipped away into the dark.

**_Please…_ **


	3. Chapter 3

Janus awoke groggily to a ray of sun blasting him in the face. It seemed he had forgotten to close his shutters after the late night.

His heart still ached for Virgil, but time would make it bearable. Old wounds always felt freshest on anniversaries, and he knew that better than most. It was better to push past it. After all this time, false hope was not worth the grief.

_ I need to get out of here. _

Jay stepped out of his cabin, not bothering to pull on his boots. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get anything done out at sea, with all this on his mind. It would be better not to risk distraction and go check on the shore for mussels. With his mind made up, he headed down the beach path. 

Jay walked along the surf, hoping that the sight of the sea would calm him. But before he could get far, he spotted a figure in the sand.

_ Oh fuck. Please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead…  _

He sprinted over and knelt next to the man. He was half-buried, his dark hair tousled with sand, but Jay was able to pull him up against a nearby rock. He leaned close to listen for breath, and thankfully the man was breathing, albeit shallowly.

“Okay, okay this is fine,” Jay took a deep breath and closed his eyes to reassure himself. When he opened them, a little calmer now that he knew he wouldn’t be dealing with a dead body today of all days, he finally saw it.  _ Selkie.  _ The glamour fell from his eyes and the man no longer looked quite so human. He was ethereally beautiful, with a perfection that ordinary people lacked. “Oh, fuck.”

Jay reached for his knife.

The man’s eyes fluttered, then opened, gleaming gold. They made eye contact.

“Don’t move.” Janus hissed, brandishing his knife at him.

“I wasn’t—” he was interrupted by a fit of coughing “—going to.”

“Good.” The thing was obviously sick, but now was not the time for sympathy. These were killers, after all. So, he measured his words carefully and deliberately. “You took someone from me. His name was Virgil.  _ Give him back. _ ”

“We don’t  _ take  _ people,” the creature moved his hand to try to brush away some sand from his eyes. Jay started, but didn’t attack. “You know nothing about us, sun-fucker.”

“But I know Virgil, and he would  _ never _ have left me.” Jay’s vision started to blur around the edges, in anger or sadness he couldn’t tell. “So I will have him, and quickly, else your life is payment for his.” He turned to the sea, now holding the knife up to the selkies throat. “You hear that?! I’m going to kill him! I know you’re watching!” Only the rhythmic roar of the waves responded.

“Don’t you know—,” the selkie coughed again, “—that I am alone too?” Then his eyes closed, and the creature’s body went limp.

“Shit.”

* * *

He had no choice, really. Jay had too much of a conscience on his hands, as much as he hated it. So that was how he ended up with a selkie, a magical fucking  _ selkie _ of all things, tucked into his bed. Damned creature didn’t even have a cloak. He stirred a pot of soup over the stove and cursed his horrible luck. 

“Stupid thing better survive this,” he muttered to himself, “otherwise who is going to drink all this damn broth?” After trying a hot spoonful, Jay added a bit more salt before moving on to check on his  _ entirely uninvited _ guest. 

The selkie was still feverish, so he switched out the damp towel set on his forehead for another cool one. It had been a pain getting the creature in here, but as Jay sat on the side of the bed to think for a moment, he supposed it wasn’t the worst thing. Better than leaving the townspeople to find a selkie on their shore, unbelievers as they were. They all believed that the selkies had died out years ago, and Jay had stopped trying to convince them. They really did believe he had gone off the deep end, after he lost Virgil. 

Jay sighed, and stood to get himself a bowl of the soup, figuring he’d eat during the wait. But of course, that was when the selkie chose to wake up.

It was just a slight shifting of fabric that tipped him off, a small exhale of surprise when he stood up that told him the man was awake, even if he wasn’t willing to admit it yet. He figured he’d bring a peace offering, so he ladled two bowls full of steaming broth, meat, and vegetables, before stepping back into the room.

“Hey, I’ve got––” the selkie was no longer in the bed,”––soup,” Jay finished resignedly. He set the bowls down on the bedside table before bending down to look under the bed. No windows were open, so this was the only place the selkie could be. Sure enough, two eyes stared fearfully back at him. Jay sat back, and addressed his speech to the bed.

“Look, I’m not proud of what happened this morning. I wasn’t really going to kill you, I just… just come out, will you? I made soup.”

“Where the fuck did you take me?” A voice came angrily from under the bed.

Jay almost had to stifle a laugh. “Home, selkie.”

“Why?”

He didn’t know how to answer that. Instead, he chose to stand up and offer the soup again. He took the bowl and set it on the ground by the bed, before stepping back. When he looked again, the bowl was gone but quiet slurping noises came from under the bed. 

“Come out when you want, I suppose,” he remarked, before grabbing his own bowl and heading out to the porch. He supposed he might as well do something with the evening, and set to mending one of his nets.  _ What a day. _


	4. Chapter 4

Ronan did not expect to wake up indoors, and in a human dwelling, no less. He did not expect to be fed. He did not expect all this to be courtesy of the same human who had  _ threatened his life _ only hours ago— never mind how pretty the human was, with that peculiar little hat and his  _ eyes _ , that one like the sea that he was already missing and the other dark and warm and—  _ Get ahold of yourself, Ronan _ . 

So, all this in mind, it was understandable why he was under a bed nursing a hot bowl of soup, against his better judgement.  _ The soup could be poisoned _ . He took another sip.  _ This really, really delicious soup could be a trick to poison me _ . He drank some more. Well, as he drank as well as you can drink anything while lying flat underneath a bed. Soon, he was out of soup.

Ronan stared at the slats above him and sighed. He  _ supposed, _ since it hadn’t killed him yet, and the human didn’t appear to be nearby, he could probably go get some more soup. It had already done wonders for the killer headache he woke up with. So, he began to scoot sideways, and found escaping to be much harder than getting in. Still, a few moments of intense wriggling and he was free.  _ Oh.  _ Standing up was the first time he really noticed what he was wearing.  _ Pink pajamas _ . They were surprisingly soft, for something obviously human-made.  _ How did they make them this bright? _

His stomach growled. _Right. Soup._ Roman shook off his contemplation, peeking around the doorway from the bedroom. He looked into a small kitchen, the open door on the far end leading to the porch. The entire cabin appeared to be just those two rooms, which meant the human was outside. Hopefully, he’d be able to get some soup before getting back–– _Who am I kidding, before getting back under the damn bed again? What am I going to do from under there?_ Instead, he resolved that he might as well try to talk to the human, at least threaten him into letting him go. _But if the human has my cloak, it’s not like I’ll be able to go anyway_ _._ _No. He’d know if he had it, right?_ _Right._

Ronan dipped his bowl into the soup pot, scooping out more broth. Impatiently, he brought the bowl back to his mouth to drink, only to be interrupted. _ Human is back. _

“You could use the ladle, you know. Get some more of the meat off the bottom.” the man spoke gently, but teasingly, as though attempting to avoid spooking a skittish animal. Which, Ronan supposed, he was behaving rather close to right now.

“Not going to threaten my life anymore, sandman?” Ronan said.

“No, I’m not,” he looked strangely remorseful, but it passed quickly enough that Ronan wasn’t sure he had seen it, “and sandman yourself, look at your  _ hair _ .”

Ronan reached up to his hair, and nearly laughed aloud when he found his hair to be grainy with sand, just as accused.  _ What a strange situation, to laugh with this human.  _ Instead, he schooled his expression, and let out a quiet “Hmph.” 

The man seemed to realize what had nearly happened, and looked away.  _ Good. We shouldn’t be getting along. Definitely not. _

“Well, thanks for the food, I guess, but I’m going to head out now.” Ronan declared.

“No, you’re not,” the man said quietly.

“Excuse you?”

“You’re not going to leave, because you have Virgil and I intend to get him back. And also because even if you get past me, which you won’t, I will inform the town that a dangerous, bloodthirsty selkie is on the loose. You will _ never _ make it off this island.”

Ronan’s blood ran cold, “You have it, don’t you?” 

“Unfortunately, I don’t. If I had that filthy cloak of yours, things would be a lot simpler right now.”

“‘Simpler’ how?” Ronan probed. The insult to his cloak stung, but the information was more important. If this human knew about the selkie’s curse, he had a lot more to watch out for than just one arrogant man trying to take him prisoner. He could be trapped here forever.

“Well, then we could arrange a trade.” Ronan tried not to look too relieved. “Your cloak for my husband.”  _ Shit. _

“We do not take people. Period.”

“Of course you don’t. Just like how you didn’t start the war, you didn’t kill people, and you didn’t tear apart families.” 

“What are you getting at, kelp-eater?” he said, icily.

“Nothing. Just that we have no reason to trust each other. But, you might have information, and for that, I’m willing to offer you a place to stay, nothing more. Only while you look for your cloak. And after you tell me what I need, I want you out of my hair as quickly as possible.”

“I truly have nothing to tell you. We haven’t had a new pod member in years.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Ronan looked the human up and down, noting the determined set of his jaw and the firm eye contact. 

“Fine. But I need your name, human.”  _ Oh, what am I getting into? _

The man hesitated, and Ronan recalled the old human superstitions around names. Still, he seemed to find resolve.

“You may call me Janus.”

“Well, Janus, I’m Ronan,” he stuck out his hand, “I wish you luck in getting what you want out of this.”

“The art of the sailor is to leave nothing to chance.”

Thus, they shook on it. Things were never quite the same, after.


	5. Chapter 5

Pad was once again lost at sea. Not in the literal ocean around him, but in the thoughts that just kept pouring through his head, so loud he half-believed the other selkies would be able to hear them too. Of course, that wasn’t the way their sort of telepathy worked, even as strong as his was, but that was a small comfort to him.  _ Where are you, Ronan? What happened? Why haven’t you come back? I miss you, I don’t want to lose you.  _ _ I’ve lost too many already. _ __

He had been hunting, attempting to distract himself from the struggle in his mind by stalking cod and whiting through the kelp forest, but the fish always slipped away at the last moment. His thoughts slowed his flippers until they weighed as much as lead. . Ultimately, he gave up on trying the hunt and set out through the kelp forest. The pod was settling in for the night as the sun set, but he knew one person would still be up.

**_Lorcan?_ ** he called out as the king came into view.

**_Oh. Padraig. What brings you here at this hour?_ ** The response, silky smooth but always too stiff, always too cold, left Pad disoriented. This was how Lorrie always spoke, these days, but couldn’t he be his old self, even if just this once? But Pad had come here for a reason, so he shook it off.

**_I think… I know you said he’s fine but don’t you think Ronan’s been gone too long? It's already been two days since the full moon and we haven’t even found a clue that he’s still out there._ **

**_You always did worry too much. Ronan says he can take care of himself, you know. He’ll make it back to us in his own time. Perhaps when he does, he’ll have learned something._ ** The blasé way Lorcan talked about the situation did nothing to ease Pad’s anxiety. It stung to be brushed off like that.

**_But what if he can’t? We’re his pod, his family! Isn’t it our job to look out for one another?_ **

**_Not when it would put us in danger._ ** Lorcan stared him down, almost challenging him to object.  **_Go to sleep, Padraig._ **

**_Of course, Your Majesty._ ** Pad tried to throw as much venom into the title as possible, before turning and speeding away.  _ I gotta get out of here before I lose it.  _

* * *

_ How can he be so callous? How can he just leave our friend to die? We know he’s out there, and our king, who is supposed to lead us, does nothing. He even seems to believe this will help Ronan “learn” something. How screwed up is that? _

Pad swam almost blindly with no care for direction. Still, his body took him almost against his will to the shoreline. He had meant to just go off and calm down before nightfall but… since he was here, it couldn’t hurt to check for Ronan, could it?  _ I need to help my friend. _

In moments, he stood at the break of the waves, sand under his feet too soon after the last time. He wrapped his seal-coat around himself for warmth, and set off along the beach.  _ Oh, this is a bad idea. Humans could find me, the pod will disown me, what if they notice I am gone?  _ Still, he continued on.  _ If anyone comes near, I can just dive into the surf and I’ll be gone before they know what they saw. It’ll be fine. _

There was a light up ahead, and Pad slowed. Despite the fact that it was an obvious mark of the presence of people, he only pulled his cloak tighter around him. The dark should hide him well enough.

**_Ronan?_ **

…

Nothing.

He kept calling as he walked, and when the light got too close for comfort he nearly left. Pad reached out one more time through the selkie bond, calling.

**_Ronan?_ **

…

… 

**_Pad?_ ** It was hesitant, and quiet, but the response was there. Relief flooded his body,  _ he’s alive! _ Ronan was somewhere around here, and he could find him and they would go home and the pod would be whole again.

**_Ro! Where are you? I’m coming._ **

**_Just… wait a second, Pad. I’ve got to come outside._ **

**_Outside? Why?_ ** There was no reason for Ronan to be inside. That would mean a  _ human  _ had gotten to him! But Ronan did not respond, so Pad ducked back into the surf to wait.

A few moments later, the light from the cabin brightened briefly. A shadow stole out from the door and headed down to the waves, and Pad watched wearily.

“Pad? Are you here?” the whisper came urgently.

“Yeah,” Pad rose out of the sea to meet him, “What are you wearing?”

“Oh,” Ronan tugged at the hem of his shirt, “Umm, Janus gave them to me. They’re called pajamas.” Pad stepped back, almost involuntarily.

“You took something from a  _ human? _ ”

“No! No, Pad, it’s not like that. I… I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“What do you mean, nowhere else to go? You need to come home, Ronan. Humans are dangerous.”

“Janus isn’t like that,” he said quietly, “I don’t think he would hurt me.”

“Oh, you don’t think? You don’t think humans would try and kill us all? You don’t think they would do exactly what they did, trying to drive us extinct?” Padraig shook his head, exasperated. “Ronan, let’s go.”

“Pad…”

“What?” he snapped.

“Pad, I can’t go home.” 

“Of course you can come home, I’ve missed you, I’ve been looking for you. Your pod wants you home.”

“No, I…” Ronan toed the sand, “I don’t have my cloak, Pad. I can’t go home. Besides, I… I made a deal.”

“Oh, pup.” In moments, Pad’s frustration drained away. Of course Ronan was making bad decisions, he didn’t feel like he had other options. “Ro, it's okay.” He stepped forward to hug him tightly.

They stood there, waves lapping at their feet, for longer than was safe. Pad, for as much as he knew he missed Ronan, had not realized how much a part of him was truly missing. The pod was like pieces to a puzzle, and losing just one piece could leave the whole feeling incomplete. Ronan, for his part, clung to Padraig like he was never going to let go. Pad didn’t mind, he didn’t expect to want to let go any time soon either. Thoughts flowed between them like water, telling of how the pod was, how Pad had missed him, how scared Ronan had been, reassurances, consolations, and apologies.

It was minutes, or maybe hours later when Pad gradually became aware of the feeling of being watched. He pulled his awareness out of the bond to look over Ronan’s shoulder at the stranger.

“You must be Janus. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”


	6. Chapter 6

Standing there, watching the selkies hold each other, a strange feeling crept across Janus’s heart. They had something, something deeper than speech and memory. He could see it in the lines of their faces, in the way they held on like each was an anchor and the other floating away. It was in their bodies, the set of their shoulders, their arms, hands, palms, every feeling dancing across their fingertips. And watching this, this connection, he ached. He was, in that moment, desperate with longing and jealousy and yearning for that deeper thing, that which he had only dipped the surface of with Virgil. Selkies, he had been told, possessed something entirely inhuman. Maybe it was love. Love, that most elusive of creatures, what people chased for years, decades, generations, dying for a sense of connection, just once. Oh, what he would do for—

“You must be Janus,” the selkie interrupted, “We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

He floundered for just a moment, before recovering, “I suppose we do, selkie.”

“I have a name, you know.”

“You do? I haven’t heard it,” Jay replied, dryly. Ronan shot him a pointed look.

“Janus, this is Padraig. Pad, this is Janus. Behave.”

“If I must,” said Jay.

“Oh c’mon, I’m nice!” said Padraig.

“Sure you are,” said Jay, “Let’s head inside.”  _ It would not be ideal to have questions asked about strangers, even if nobody is usually out at these hours. _

“Right, that’s probably a good idea,” said Ronan. Jay didn’t miss, however, the silent communication between him and the other selkie. He didn’t blame Padraig— a human’s house couldn’t be the most welcoming thing for him right then. Or ever, really.

The three of them filled up the interior of his cabin nearly to the brim. It had always been cozy, especially when Vir—. It had always been cozy, but with the tense energy between them all, it became almost stifling. He squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light, truly seeing Padraig for the first time. The selkie was fair, his hair like spun gold and his eyes the deep blue of open water on a cloudless day. In short, typical selkie beauty, with the physical fitness to match. But the strangest thing was how familiar he looked, like a half-remembered dream.

“So,” Padraig tried to start, “Ro’s been staying with you?”

“That sure is what it looks like, isn’t it?” said Jay.

“Janus, please,” said Ronan, “I swear, we are just trying to work out how to get me out of here as soon as possible.”

“Well, you won’t be going quite yet, you know,” said Jay, “You still owe me information.” Ronan said something vaguely offended in response to that, but Janus felt like he was being haunted. This man, this selkie, looked so inexplicably familiar…  _ How would I have seen you before?  _ The conversation went on but his thoughts whirled.  _ I haven’t seen a selkie since…  _

_ Since Virgil disappeared. _

_ Fuck. _

“Have I seen you before?” he interrupted. Ronan’s words petered out, and Padraig tensed up, making all of Jay’s instincts go haywire.

“I don’t know why you would have. Maybe it was somebody else?” said Padraig, almost hopefully. Jay made eye contact, but he was looking right through the selkie.

“Have you ever  _ taken _ someone?”

Ronan sputtered, “I told you, we don’t take people. That’s not how it works—”

“Yes.” said Padraig.

“Pad?” Ronan was quieter, almost afraid of the answer. He turned to Janus, “I swear he hasn’t, that’s not what we do, it isn’t allowed, not since the war, and even before then it was only the willing, always the willing and always to help, we don’t take people—” He rambled on, but Padraig stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Was he yours?” said Padraig, nearly whispering.

“I thought he was.” Jay fidgeted with the ring on his hand, where it had stayed for many years, a promise. A promise to one long lost, a promise against hope and against reason. But Virgil had gone and maybe he had left on purpose, maybe Ronan was right and it had been his choice, but that didn’t help. He was still gone. But in front of him was this selkie saying maybe he did take Virgil.  _ What if they hurt him, what could those creatures have done to— _

“May I see?” Padraig reached out.

“How dare you ask for more of him than what you have already taken,” said Jay. There was a new steeliness to his voice, and this uncontrollable shaking seemed to come upon him all at once, “I can’t believe I’m having a conversation with you, you…  _ monster. _ ”

“Hey, Janus, take a breath,” said Ronan.

“No, I…” Jay practically gasped for air, “Don't tell me to breathe. Don’t tell me to calm down when it’s your fault.”

“Jay, listen—” said Ronan.

“No! And don’t call me Jay, that’s  _ Virgil’s _ ,” Janus cried, “And Padraig, you utter bastard. I don’t care if he went willingly, I don’t care if he got on his damn knees and begged you to take him. You shouldn’t have taken him from me. Do you know what it’s like? 

“I don’t, but Janus—” said Padraig.

“Of course you don’t! And you will never know, because you selkies are all the same. You take and you take and you never stop taking until you wipe us all out. Well, try to feel for a moment. Try to consider what it would be like to lose the love of your life and no one believes you that it wasn’t a suicide, as though Virgil wasn’t the strongest person I ever knew. 

“Try to have some fucking compassion, and believe me when I say that the only person who ever did is  _ gone _ and you know what, I don’t care anymore. I don’t give a shit if when you took him he went willingly. You took him, and  _ it will always be your fault.” _

Jay looked down, and there was a knife in his hand.  _ Where did that come from? _ He thought he might use it. The selkie had gone pale but he… he was still full of hot, red hot fire and anger and grief and the can’t-catch-your-breath kind of sadness, and  _ this feeling is never going to go away.  _ He lifted the knife to aim at Padraig, but then Ronan was there, holding him back.  _ I am not going to let you stop me. _

He spun in an instant, jabbing towards Ronan but he went too far on the inside and Ronan had a moment to act. He deflected the strike smoothly, closing the gap and getting a hold on Jay’s wrist. Jay knew he was already done for, but he fought back, all tooth and nails and screaming emotions.

Ronan was faster. In moments, Jay was on the ground and Ronan was on his knife arm. It was over.  _ I’m helpless, like always.  _

“Pad, get out of here, I’ll deal with this,” said Ronan. There were footsteps and a door slamming, but Jay was blind, face pushed into the floorboards, and already giving up. Virgil was never coming home, and Jay couldn’t do a damn thing. He went limp under Ronan’s weight, and all the pent up emotion hit him like a tsunami. He was sobbing and he couldn’t stop, and it was all coming undone. 

The tears were clouding his vision and the rain was getting in his eyes, and he wasn’t on the floor but standing on his ship. Far away on the shore there was Virgil and there was Padraig and there was a wave and it was going to take Virgil, the selkie was going to take Virgil! He reached out but it was too far, so close, just out of reach, miles away, and his grasp closed on nothing. Virgil was gone again, again and again, always by the wave and the selkie and the rain. 


	7. Chapter 7

“Pad, get out of here, I’ll deal with this,” said Ronan.  **_Can you come back in three nights?_ **

**_Don’t you dare bring him along._ **

In a heartbeat, Pad was gone. As the door shut behind him, Ronan’s attentioned turned back to Janus. He had him pinned down securely, the man wasn’t going anywhere. Janus seemed to know that. He had started to shake, out of anger or what other emotion, Ronan didn’t know, but the next thing to do was to deal with the knife. He had it in a white knuckled grip, even as his arm was held uselessly under Ronan’s leg.

“Hey, can I have that?” said Ronan, gently. He started to peel back Janus’ fingers, but after just the first one Janus went entirely limp underneath him. With that, Ronan finally realized what the shaking was.  _ He’s crying. _

Ronan slid the knife behind him before getting off of Jan as quickly as he could. Janus didn’t move, in fact he only seemed to start sobbing harder. 

“Oh, Janus, let’s umm… hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.” 

Janus didn’t respond. He didn’t even seem to have heard. Ronan took a second to collect himself, his heart was still pounding from the brief fight. He exhaled.  _ Okay, this is fine. The human will be okay. Just gotta… help him? I know he just tried to kill Pad but he did kinda save me. _

“Janus, I’m going to move you now, alright?” Ronan waited a second before awkwardly scooping him up. He settled him in his arms, cradling him bridal style before heading towards the bedroom. Janus didn’t resist, but it didn’t even seem like he could. His eyes were screwed tightly closed, and he was still shaking uncontrollably. 

“Okay, we are gonna go to the bed and lay down for a bit, it’ll be more comfy.” Ronan was speaking slowly and quietly, trying to be calming and give Janus anything to latch onto that wasn’t wherever he was. It certainly wasn’t a good place to be, judging by his reaction. He set Janus down on the bed, and the human seemed to immediately curl in on himself, away from Ronan. 

Without taking a moment to really consider what he was doing, Ronan crossed to the other side of the bed and lay down next to him, facing him. He reached out to take Jan’s hand and, tracing slow circles into his palm, started to sing.

It was slow, and soft, containing echoes of another time. But the [melody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0Tcn-RcSUo) was sweet, and it seemed to work its magic.

_ Inionai, Inionai, _

_ Codailigi, codailigi, _

_ Inionai, Inionai, _

_ Codailigi, codailigi. _

_ Codailigi, codailigi, _

_ Cois a chle mo, cois a chle mo, _

_ Codailigi, codailigi, _

_ Socair sasta, socair sasta _

As the last few notes drifted off, Ronan looked up from his tracing to see Jan staring at him. His mismatched eyes were red-rimmed and glossy with tears, but he wasn’t sobbing anymore. 

“Hey there, Jan.” Ronan spoke quietly.

“Ronan…” Jan hesitated, and then turned his head away to bury it in the pillow, shifting a bit so he was lying on his stomach.

“It’s alright. We don’t have to talk about it yet. In fact, we can just lay here for a bit, I’m sure you must be pretty tired after that. We can work—”

“My mother used to sing that to me,” said Janus, quietly.

“Oh. I don’t…,” Ronan paused, a little bewildered, “I don’t know how that’s possible.”

“Ronan, I know we aren’t  _ friends _ per se,” Janus took a deep breath, “But, could you just come a little closer?”

“Yeah.” Ronan’s face was heating up, but thankfully Jan wasn’t able to see that. He gingerly scooted over, until he lay against Janus’ back. Cautiously, he put his arm across the other.

“Is this alright?” said Ronan.

“Yes.”

They lay like that for a while. Ronan lost track of time, the seconds sort of blended together once he finally relaxed. This felt…  _ right,  _ almost.  _ I think I’ve missed this. Whatever this is. _

_ I want him to be okay. _

Eventually, Jan spoke.

“My father always hated selkies.” Ronan stiffened, but Janus didn’t seem to notice. “Maybe not always, but ever since my mom was taken. She disappeared when I was five.”

“I’m sorry,” said Ronan. It was all he could think to say, really. He wanted to object to the word “taken,” but at this point it was seeming more and more like a possibility.  _ Pad had all but admitted to having taken someone, hadn’t he? Maybe that happened to his mom too. Maybe the war made us into monsters, made us want to take those who didn’t want to go. _

“Thanks,” said Jan, bitterly, “Father came home to tell me she was gone looking as pale as a sheet. I’m not sure he ever cried over her.” Janus sighed. “That’s when he signed up to fight.”

Neither of them spoke for some time after that. Jan was lost in some long-forgotten memories, and Ronan’s head filled with complicated thoughts whirring past too fast to discern. Until one settled, and he just kept pick-pick-picking at it until he just  _ had _ to ask.

“Jan,” he said quietly.

“Hm?”

“Do… Do you blame me? For what my podmates did?”

“Oh.” Jan took a moment to think. ”I’m not sure. Did you do it too? Because sometimes, I feel complicit in this terrible world of ours. I was raised in the aftermath of a war, so father taught me to fight and to hate and to follow the rules he had learned not to question. Isn’t that absurd?” Janus rolled over to look at Ronan before continuing intensely.

“You get enough people to share a piece of land and breathe the same air and you've got a society. Why? It's just a bunch of people in the same general area. It's an abstract concept, as real as the monster under your bed! But we obey these rules or get punished for breaking them. All in the name of society. It's absurd and terrifying.

“I should hope you’ve realized this, Ronan, but you being here this long is surely ruffling some feathers down in selkie-ville. As it would up here, if anyone cared to come visit.” he laughed wryly. “I know that we made a deal, I know you’re not here because you want to be. And yet, you’re comforting me, spending time with me as though maybe the world would let us be friends, when in reality you’re probably more stuck in this twice-damned society than I am. You remember the war, don’t you?”

“I… yes,” said Ronan.  _ That deal… it really feels like more than just that now. And the war? I even wanted to fight, but they didn’t let me.  _

“Thought so. You selkies age differently, I think. My father thought so, anyway. But maybe I should stop believing what he thought.”

“Maybe. But he got that much right; I’m sixty-seven.”

“ _ What? _ ” Jan looked at him incredulously, before starting to laugh. “That’s even more absurd than any of this society bullshit.”  _ Oh gods, his laugh is adorable. _ Ronan couldn't help but chuckle along.

“I guess it is a little crazy,” said Ronan, “Humans only live till like… a hundred though, right?”

“Something like that.”

“Well then I guess I’m in my mid-thirties, in your years. That’s not too bad.”

“I guess not.” Jan took a breath and studied the sheets in the space between them. “But as for what you asked… I don’t think I blame you. I sure as hell blame the society you were raised in though, and I blame the people of the island as well. But, and I know that this is insane—” he looked up, and Ronan fell into his eyes all over again. “Something is telling me to trust you.”


	8. Chapter 8

Pad got out of the house as quickly as he could. He hoped that the sky above him would help, maybe open up this tightness in his throat and his chest but instead it all shrank to tunnel vision. So, he aimed for the one familiar thing, the waves. They swallowed him, like they always had. At least he could count on this, the surf in this in-between place where everything and nothing is as it seems. But the guilt stayed. Water can’t wash away feelings, can’t push them down like he needed. 

_ Janus’ husband… his name is Veon. His name is Veon, now. I was a coward, I hadn’t even bothered to learn what his name had been before. _

Before, there was Virgil. And all of this was Pad’s fault, and his alone.

* * *

The day dawned light and clear, the sky empty of the usual warnings. Still, Padraig could feel it. Something pulling at his head or his heart, or maybe both. It turned out to be both.

The storm came first, rolling in from the east of the island. Almost every human, and the selkies besides, lived on the west side. Most wouldn’t even see the storm until it was right on top of them. At least the selkies had the advantage of feeling it. It was a pull, to play in the waves and tease lightning come evening. But instead, something different pinged Pad’s interest that night.

The tears.

He was swimming with the others to the east side of the island when the first one stopped him. It rang out clear, before landing with a soft ping right at the base of his skull. It felt like the lightning they were chasing, and warmth and coolness and—

**_Pad?_ ** , said Ronan,  **_Why did you stop? C’mon, it’s a real big one tonight!_ **

**_I’ll catch up. I just... thought I had heard something?_ **

**_Suit yourself._ **

Just like that, he was alone. The other selkies sped off towards the storm, and he turned. The wrong way. Not just back towards the clan, even worse. He turned towards the human’s shore. 

In his defense, he was being called. Tears cried into the sea, they ring like bells to the selkie who listens. Tonight, they called to Pad, and he followed.

The second bell tolled, deeper, with some darkness he couldn’t decipher, shaking him to his core. He swam faster.

Two more, practically at once, and then the last three were felt in slow motion, careening around his head and pulling his thoughts apart, until there was just one: Mercy.

Then, he was there. 

The waves released him onto the beach, his selkie coat parting from his face to rest upon his shoulders, warm and familiar.

There was a man in front of him, and try as he might, he could not bring himself to be afraid. The humans, he knew somewhere (now buried deep, far too deep by the tear-bells and Mercy), were dangerous. They would take his life. Perhaps that was worth it, though. If only he could save this one.

He stepped forward.

Seven tears, cried into the sea in a human’s hour of need. That was what brought him, this magical contract written into his bones at the dawn of the world. Years, centuries, aeons after it was written, it was finally called into action.

The man looked up.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“You may call me Pad. You’re lost, aren’t you?”

“You could say that.” The man tried to laugh, but it just came out a strangled sob.

“I understand.” He opened his arms, and the human nearly melted into them, his body shaking.

“I’ve got you, Veon.” Pad didn’t know where the name came from, but he knew that it was right. Veon relaxed, just a little bit. “We are going to go now, okay?”

Veon just squeezed him tighter.

Pad felt the wave coming, a gift from the sea to welcome the new one.

Veon looked up, past the wave and out to the horizon, and maybe he saw something, saw someone.

Then the wave engulfed them, and the magic quickly followed.

Padraig slipped easily back into his seal-shape, and watched as Veon gained his own. His jacket melted away, and his whole body shifted, streamlined, twisted into that sideways dimension where the mythical lives and then twisted back, big intelligent black eyes and dark fur, the darkest Padraig had seen. This shape seemed to fit Veon well. He gave a practice twirl before turning to look at Pad and opening his mouth.

**_You don’t need that, now. Just think at me,_ ** said Pad.

Veon blew some bubbles his way before closing his eyes to concentrate.

**_Hello? Do you know who I am?_ **

Behind them, a man on a ship cried.

* * *

_ He was lost, just lost _ , Padraig told himself.  _ He was lost, and I found him. It needed to happen. He called me there. What else could I have done? _

He shook his head to clear it. Thinking over what happened again… it just wasn’t worth it. But maybe he could make it better. Or try to, anyway. 

_I don’t regret showing him Mercy._ _His life is better now. But maybe, I could try to heal Janus too._

A goal in mind, he swam more resolutely towards the pod. He had someone to talk to. 


	9. Chapter 9

Janus awoke gradually, feeling warmer than he had in months. Maybe in years. And not just on his skin, but something deep inside him seemed to have thawed. It was absolutely delightful, warm sunlight just creeping through the curtains and that mellow heat pushed up against his back. He snuggled back into it and sighed, closing his eyes again.  _ Just five more minutes. _

He felt a deep chuckle from the warmth, and finally realized what was happening.

“Good morning,  _ a rún _ .”

“Shit.”  _ Was that a pet name? _

“Well that’s no way to greet the man you shared your bed with,” Ronan teased.

“No… we didn’t- uh- do anything, did we?” Janus buried his head back in the blankets. It was far too early to be figuring this out. Instead, Ronan’s laugh rang out like bells.  _ How can a laugh be attractive? _

“Of course not. You weren’t in a good place. I would never take advantage of that.” Ronan yawned. “So, are you going to make me move or can I stay here a little longer? I might go back to sleep, last night really took it out of me.”

“Oh… sorry about that.”

“No, we deserved it. Pad really fucked up. It’s okay to be angry. And, Jan… it’s okay to be lonely.”

Janus took a deep breath.  _ Jan… I could get used to that. _

“So, can I stay?”

“Fine. But not too long, there are things to do.” 

“Wonderful,  _ a mhuirnín. _ ” Ronan let his arm drape back over Jan, before leaning in to whisper, “This alright?” Jan shivered. 

“It’s lovely,” he said, putting as much sarcasm into the words as he could, “Now let me sleep.”  _ What have I gotten myself into? _

* * *

A few hours later, Janus dragged himself out of bed to Ronan’s great protest. The sun had been up for far too long and he was getting antsy to do something, which meant, almost by default, fishing. It had been two full days of looking after Ronan without a catch of any kind, and that absolutely would not do. He yawned and stretched, before heading into the kitchen to fry up some breakfast. 

“C’mon, old man, out of bed!” he called cheerfully back towards the bedroom as he cracked a couple eggs into the pan. 

“Hurgh...” Ronan grumbled.

“What was that, seal boy?”

“I said, how the fuck are you functioning right now, I’ve only been this exhausted once! And that was yesterday, and I basically slept the whole time anyway.”

“Never been human this long, huh?”

“I mean… no?”

“Well then, welcome to the wonderful world of exhaustion!” Janus grinned to himself as he flipped the eggs. “Just tell yourself you’re fine and you’ll probably get over it soon. Now up, I’m making eggs and we are going fishing today.”

“Fishing?”

“That’s what I said, wasn’t it? Out of bed now, you big loaf.” Janus shook his head in exasperation, before scooping the eggs off the pan and onto some plates for them. He checked the breadbox to find it was running low, but he cut slices for each of them anyway.  _ I guess I’ll have to make more soon. _

“Come out here and eat, Ro!” Jan called, setting down the plates. “I want to get out of here soon; daylight won’t stick around forever.”

“If I must,” said Ronan. When he finally emerged, Janus couldn’t help but laugh.

“Ro, your  _ hair. _ ”

“What about it?” said Ronan, rubbing at his eyes. Eventually he felt at his head, and his eyes widened at how far it was sticking up. “Well that's new too, I guess. C’mon, stop laughing!”

“I just didn’t realize you could get bedhead, you just look so perfect all the—” Janus abruptly snapped his mouth shut.  _ Stop it, stop it, do not catch feelings for the dangerous magical creature. _

“Oh, so I’m perfect, am I?” Ronan grinned.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Right, right. Just that I  _ look _ ‘perfect all the time.’”

“Just eat your eggs and get ready,” Jan grumbled. He turned away and busied himself with finding clothes, trying to hide the pink creeping into his cheeks.

* * *

“C’mon, up onto the boat, pretty boy,” Janus teased, reaching down from the deck of  _ Linda _ to pull Ronan up.

“But I look stupid! You can’t expect me to get anything done in these hideous boots.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have such big feet! Then I could give you a better pair.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be so short,” Ronan mocked.

“That’s a low blow and you know it,” said Jan, “Stop laughing, this is an indignity!”

Ronan genuinely tried for a second, before failing miserably. “Hahahah,  _ low blow.” _

“I can and will leave you here.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t _ dare _ .”

“Test me, and you’ll find out.” Janus shook his head before busying himself with checking over the ship. “You can swim, right? Wait, nevermind, you’re a selkie, of course you can swim.”

“Uh, Jan?”

“Yes?”

“I actually can’t swim…”

“ _ What _ .”

“In my defense! I can float pretty well. But I’ve never actually had to swim with all these weird gangly limbs.” Ronan wiggled his arms as if to demonstrate. “You humans don’t even have  _ flippers, _ I don’t understand how you do it.”

“Gods, Ro. You’re really a mess, huh?”

“Yeah,” Ronan laughed, “Maybe I am.”

“Well, you aren’t allowed on my ship if you can’t swim. Couldn’t have a drowning on my watch.” 

“Well, I can’t exactly drown either.”

“Now you’re making even less sense.”

“Selkies can basically… breathe water?” Ronan tried to explain.

“Wait, wait. So what you’re telling me is that if you fell off the ship, you can’t swim but you also can’t die so I’m just going to have to leave you at the bottom of the ocean?”

“Yes! I won’t die.” Ronan nodded, and went to start untying the ship from the dock.

“Hey, first off don’t touch my ship, second, I’m not leaving you to sink like a rock if something were to happen. We are not going out if you  _ can’t swim. _ ”

“So… what are we going to do, then?”

“Teach you to swim, of course!”

* * *

“Alright, that’s one dunking too many for me, Jan.” Ronan huffed, stepping out of the water to lay down on the sand. They’d been at it for some time, enough that the sun and Lugh were considering heading in for the night.

“Suit yourself. But you aren’t coming fishing until I can trust I won’t have to fish  _ you _ out of the sea.” Jan followed him onto the beach and towelled off, turning back to look at the sea. It was beautiful this time of evening, with the sun still glinting off the water. They were in a cove near Jan’s cabin, perfect for this because hardly anyone came there anymore. Besides, the water was calm. It was where Jan himself had learned to swim as a kid. It held one of his few good memories of childhood, his mother holding him, splashing him playfully with the salty water, showing him how to float and lose himself in the waves. He sighed, letting the thought rest a little longer before pushing it away. He wanted something simpler to occupy his mind now.

Luckily, he had brought just the thing. He strode quickly to his pack and pulled his spear off the back. It was simple, more martial than decorative. Finding a suitably firm bit of beach, he slid into the familiar drills. 

Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Reset. Centerline, backhand, forehand, reset. The same three thrusts, over and over until his mind slid away into the rhythm. Tension in his body loosened, and air filled his lungs more fully. His father had taught him to fight when he was young, too young, some in the town argued.  _ Maybe Father’s legacy taints everything. But the result is the same. This relaxation and flow, I need it. Clear your head now, Jay. Let’s work some slashes now. _

Some time later he slowed down, breathing heavily. He planted the tip of his spear into the sand to rest a moment, but felt eyes on his back. Turning around, Ronan was watching him

“Admiring the view?” Jay said.

“Oh yes, the water is beautiful at sunset.”

“Sure, the water.” Jan chuckled. “You aren’t fooling anyone.”

“I suppose. Would you like to spar, maybe?”

“You and what spear? I don’t have an extra.”

“Oh, watch this.” Ronan’s eyes lit up.  _ This can’t be good.  _

Ronan reached out, almost gingerly towards something that wasn’t there. He took a deep breath, before releasing it slowly and tightening his grip around the object. As soon as his fingers had it surrounded in its entirety, a spear flickered into existence, glowing quietly.

“Got it!” Ronan laughed, “I almost didn’t think it would work. Magic things have felt so much duller since I lost my cloak. But here it is! My spear.” He gave it an experimental twirl. “Would you like to look at it?” Since Ro summoned it, Jan hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of the spear. It looked solid from a distance, but as he approached it seemed to fade into a blue-tinted translucent look. 

“May I hold it?”

“Sure,” said Ro, handing it to him, “It’s not like you could mess it up if you tried.”

“Weird…” breathed Jan. The material was strange, hard like rock but as flexible as wood. Still more peculiar than that, the spear didn’t seem to have a temperature. It was neither cool nor warm, but perfectly nothing at all. Next, he turned his eye to the decoration. It was covered in intricate carvings, mostly written in unreadable glyphs. Near the base, however, he found three words, and a signature. “The Morrígan’s Gift,” he read, “What’s that?”

“It’s how we got them, or so the elders say. The Morrígan gave us the magic to make these spears, and the knowledge of fighting skill to win with them. Pad calls them morrigifts, just to get on Lor’s nerves. He always took fighting too seriously.” 

“Can we just… not talk about Padraig right now?”

“Right, sorry,” Ronan had the grace to look chastened. “So! Do you want to spar?”

“Of course,” said Janus, handing the spear back. “Ready?”

They separated by a few paces, and Ronan nodded.

“Begin.”

Ronan went on the offensive immediately, using his height and range to his advantage. Jan was ready for him, blocking the first strike and backing swiftly out of range.  _ He’s too big to take straight on, have patience. Let him underestimate you. Just wait for him to make a mistake. _

They matched blows, Ronan keeping Janus moving and adjusting. Jan responded easily to his strikes, then tested his guard with short, lightning fast lunges inside that Ro batted out of the way in stride.  _ Just wait. _

Ronan brought down one particularly hard blow on his spear, and Jan saw his opportunity. He faked a stumble, letting Ronan follow up confidently to pin him before sliding ever so slightly out of the way. He then brought his spear up horizontally  _ hard _ , sending Ronan’s shattering into glittering turquoise shards. Without giving him a chance to respond, he brought the butt around quickly to sweep Ro’s legs out from under him. Already unbalanced, he went down like a sack of rocks. Janus leveled the point of his spear at Ronan’s throat.

“Do you yield?”

“It looks like I must,” said Ronan. “You fight dirty, Janus.”

Janus laughed. “Actually, I fight to win.” He reached out, pulling Ro to his feet. “You did put up a good fight.”

“I’d have won if I had my cloak.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” said Jan, “But hey, I’m sure you’ll get it back, one way or another.”

“Yeah,” Ronan got a far-away look in his eyes, “I’m sure I will.”

“Another round?” said Jan. Ronan shook his head, as if to clear it. He opened his hand, and his spear reformed in it.

“You’re on.”

A few bouts later, and the light was dimming in earnest, leaving visibility, and therefore fighting, not at its best.

“That’s enough for today, Ro. We’ll start with swimming tomorrow morning. Then maybe you’ll be allowed on my boat.”

“Sure, Jan.”


	10. Chapter 10

Veon was drifting through the outskirts of the pod’s kelp forest, waiting. It wasn’t the nice kind of waiting, it was the pit in your stomach, sideways world, terrible looming uncertainty sort of waiting. Padraig had told him that meeting out here would be best, and he trusted him. But trust isn’t a cure for nerves.  _ Why did I agree? This is dumb, stupid, I can’t believe we are going to the humans’ island, the one forbidden place in this damn ocean. I’m going to die a terrible, gruesome death at the hand of some human imbecile and their net. Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

Yet, he didn’t swim back home. Pad had promised him that there might be answers, and Lir, that idea was intoxicating. Veon knew that there was something before the pod, there  _ had _ to be. You can’t just swim out of the ocean fully formed, he must have come from somewhere. The elders said that he must have just been knocked away from his pod by the storm that night, but for the life of him he couldn’t remember. Pad had never said that things happened any differently, and he would know. Pad’s face, the two of them in seal-shape in the surf, that’s the first memory he had. They were swimming, and he was calm, and he felt so profoundly  _ found _ that it was nearly overwhelming. After that, he couldn’t say. There was only this home, and this pod, since.

_ He said that he had someone for me to meet. _ It didn’t make sense. 5 years, and they only come now?  _ Pad must have found one of my old podmates, that’s the only explanation. Nobody else would be important enough for us to sneak out like this.  _ His eyes darted around the kelp.  _ Pad’s gotta be here soon, right? It’s getting late. _

On cue, Veon spotted him. Nearly white but freckled in grey, his seal-coat was one of the prettiest in the pod. Here it didn’t offer him much protection, but it blended perfectly in the surf on sunny days, which was exactly how Pad liked it.

**_Veon? You here?_ **

**_I am,_ ** he said, swimming towards Pad.

**_Woah, I didn’t see you there, kiddo,_ ** Pad burbled, an underwater sort of chuckle.

**_Do you ever?_ **

**_True, True._ **

Together they set off towards the island, Pad leading the way. Veon tried to work up the courage to ask him exactly what was going on, but it took him until they were in sight of the sand to do it.

**_Hey, can we wait a second?_ **

Pad turned to look at him quizzically,  **_Sure, are you alright?_ **

**_I mean, yes?_ ** He said,  **_At least I think so. But, Pad, who are we even meeting?_ **

**_Oh! Well, you see, there’s this human—_ **

**_A human?!_ ** Veon slipped back a few feet to glare at him,  **_You didn’t mention that this would be one of_ ** **Them** **_._ **

**_I guess I didn’t! But please, it’s important. There’s a chance you might… have known him._ **

**_A selkie knowing a human? I would never._ **

**_Maybe you wouldn’t have. But Ronan is with him, and I think it’s worth a shot._ **

**_Wait wait wait, back it up. You found Ronan?_ **

**_Yes?_ ** Said Pad, hesitantly.

**_Thank Lir, I was worried about him. The whole pod was. Why didn’t you tell us?_ **

**_I just can’t, not yet. Something happened and now… I just can’t tell everyone yet._ ** Pad turned to continue on, but Veon got in front of him.

**_Something happened? You can’t just drop that on me!_ **

**_I— It’s going to be okay. Let’s pop up to the surface, take a deep breath. Do you trust me?_ **

Veon breathed, and for once it calmed him. Barely.  **_I trust you._ **

**_Good. Let’s go._ **

Moments later, two figures melted out of the waves and headed towards a cabin, candlelight flickering in its windows. Veon’s skin tingled as his coat settled around his shoulders. It always felt different, on the surface. Just as right as being in the ocean, but here he could breathe a little clearer, maybe feel things a little sharper. Right now, though, he wished the feeling part would back off.

A figure detached from the shadows around the cabin and strode towards them.  _ Ronan. _

“Hello, Pad! Who did you bring?” Ronan asked. _He seems calm, but_ _am I not welcome here? Also, why is he talking aloud?_

**_This is Veon,_ ** said Pad. Ronan nodded to Veon and he felt a little better after the recognition. **_I know I asked you not to bring Janus, but I think it’s important that they meet. They may have… a history._ **

Ronan’s eyes widened at that, but why Veon couldn’t say.

**_Shit, Pad,_ ** said Ronan,  **_Is that really what happened?_ ** Pad seemed about to explain, but Ronan shook his head.  **_Nevermind. We will talk later. I guess we should try this._ **

**_Try what?_ ** asked Veon.

**_We want you to meet Janus,_ ** said Pad,  **_He’s a human, but I know that he won’t hurt you. I think I’m going to wait outside though. If that’s alright, Ronan?_ **

**_It’s probably for the best._ **

_ Well that’s ominous, _ Veon thought.  _ I hope this goes well, whatever this is. _

**_Veon, you coming?_ ** asked Ronan. He had already started to walk toward the cabin. Veon nodded, and hurried to catch up.

As they walked into the cabin, Veon shielded his eyes against the light. It wasn’t really that bright, but the contrast was enough that it took him a moment to spot the human, _ Janus _ , he reminded himself, seated at a worn wooden table near the edge of the room. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

Janus stood, a little too quickly and knocked his chair askew. 

“Ronan,” he said, his eyes locked on Veon, ”Who is this?”

“This is Veon. Pad brought him, he said that maybe you two knew each other,” there was more, but Janus definitely wasn’t listening anymore.

“I…  _ Virgil,”  _ said Janus, nearly whispered. His hands fluttered, first to run through his hair then to reach out and lastly pulled tight against his body, as though getting any closer to this newcomer would scare him off. 

“Hey,” said Veon, raising his hand in a halfhearted wave. There was a strange tension in the room, he didn’t really know what to do about it. “Janus, right?”

“I’m- yes.” The human’s eyes ran across him, soaking it all in.  _ I don’t like this, he’s looking too hard. What is he looking for? _ “You’ve hardly aged, darling.” 

“D-darling?”

“Sorry, am I going too fast? I know it must be a lot, I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through. I can take it slower.” Janus stopped for a moment to close his eyes and take a deep breath.  _ This isn’t right,  _ thought Veon, _ Who does he think I am?  _ “Vee, you’re wearing one of their cloaks. Don’t worry, I’ll get you into some real clothes. I-I’ve kept all your things, I can get it all ready in just a minute. Wait, that wasn’t slower, I’m sorry. I’ll just… give you a minute.”

The human seemed tense on the other side of the room, as much as he was trying to relax. Veon didn’t even know how to start to respond. So instead, he said the first thing that came to mind. “But this is my cloak.”

“Vee?” Janus took a shaky breath, some terrible suspicion was creeping into his mind. “Do you remember who I am?”

“I’m trying.”

“Please, Virgil.”

There had to be something, this human was expecting something, his podmates were too. Ronan just stood there, looking worried but not interfering. _Do something!_ _Anyone, do anything!_ But there was nothing. So instead, Veon reached down somewhere deep and dark inside of him. There, he found something. Janus, he looked so familiar, a name, a feeling dancing at the edge of his fingertips, just out of reach. 

And then there was nothing more. He couldn’t reach any further, and all too quickly the familiarity slipped away.

Janus tried to reach out.

Veon shied away.

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know you.”

With that, Janus’ face crumpled. 

“I love you, Virgil,” he whispered. As tears started to fall from his face, even then he couldn’t seem to look away. Veon got the sense that he was the ghost Janus had seen.

“I’m sorry,” he said. And then he bolted. Behind him, Ronan moved to comfort Janus. 

Veon was outside now, thank goodness, but the cold air around him didn’t make the breathing easier, it just froze everything up.

He felt like he had just lost something, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what it was.

Then, Padraig was there to catch him. He nearly collapsed, under what weight he couldn’t tell.

**_I’ve got you, Veon. I heard everything. It’s going to be okay._ **

**_Is it? I just don’t understand._ ** Something stung at his eyes.

**_I know, I know._ **

**_Please, Pad. Who is he? I feel so lost…_ **

**_Hey, you’re here. I’ve found you. And that’s enough, it's got to be enough. We can sort out the rest later, okay? For now, let’s just breathe._ **

**_Okay._ **

**_…_ **

**_Okay._ **


	11. Chapter 11

As soon as Virgil bolted for the door, Jay tried to reach out again, as though maybe this time it would be different, maybe he could catch him and keep him and save him and help him remember, gods it would all be fine if he would just remember. _ How can he not remember? _

Almost against his will, Janus stepped forward to go after him but instead there was Ronan, his solid arms holding him back and unyielding. He knows what Ronan’s weaknesses are now, they’ve sparred too many times for him not to know. Instead, he just bangs his fits uselessly against Ronan’s chest, feeling on the verge of collapse. _ Why do things always repeat themselves like this? I’m just unraveling. _

Then he’s saying something, over and over again he thinks he’s apologizing, but Ronan’s shirt muffles it and he just can’t help but collapse. He’s being held gently, like a fledgling bird. It’s the best and worst feeling he’s ever had. 

“Hey, shh, it’s okay.” Ronan murmurs into his ear, rocking slowly. It feels comical, to let himself be soothed like this but it’s working. His heartbeat slows, and the desperation of his breathing subsides.

“Why does this keep happening?” Jan mumbled.

“ _ A mhuirnín _ , you’ve got trauma. It’s okay.”

“Trauma? Who’s she?” He tries to laugh but whatever bubbles out of his throat turns into something closer to a sob, and now he’s really lost it, there’s no hope of composure anymore. “C-can we just —  _ hic _ — go to sleep?”  _ Gods, I’m just pitiful. _

“Of course,  _ a rún, _ ” said Ronan, “Is it alright if I pick you up?” 

“What do I even have to lose anymore?” Janus said bitterly, “Take my dignity too.”

Ronan scoops him up easily, and even if this is his lowest point in years, he’s not sure he minds.  _ He’s so warm. _

Janus gets set down on the bed, and feels lost again until Ronan crawls in beside him. Almost without thinking, he scoots backwards until Ro puts his arms around him.  _ Better.  _

_ Fuck, why am I like this? _

“I said things would be okay, Jan. I’m going to make them okay.” Then, Ronan starts doing that circles thing again that’s just so wonderful and he’s counting each one on his palm.

_ One. _

_ Two. _

_ Three. _

_ Four. _

Breathing in time.

Sensations slow.

And he falls asleep.

* * *

He wakes up, and the bed is empty.

_ Of course he would leave. He held up his end of the bargain, anyway. I now know what happened to Virgil… wait, to Veon. Veon? I can’t believe they even took his name from him. _

_ But maybe it's okay. _

_ It has to be okay. _

_ He said it would be okay. _

After that, there’s nothing to do but lay in bed and wallow. Janus fully intends to do this, until his fog of self-pity is unceremoniously disturbed by the clattering of pans in his kitchen and a muttered “ _ Shit. _ ”

“Ronan?”

“Jan!” said Ro, poking his head into the bedroom, “Uh, good morning! I made eggs?”

“You… you stayed?”

Ronan blinked. “Why would I have left?”

“I- the deal?”

“Oh! Well… wait, wait. Come into the kitchen, like I said there’s breakfast!”

Janus carefully disentangled himself from the blankets, all but one which he draped across his shoulders like a cape.  _ It’s a sad morning, and he’s already seen me at my worst. I deserve a blanket cape, alright? _

Ronan brought two plates over, each with some of the eggs he tried to make. He balanced the plates as though he was going to drop them at any moment, clearly conscious of the fact that these eggs don’t look  _ quite _ right.  _ At least the bread will be edible, even if it looks like he tried to cut it with a spearhead. _ (Later, Janus found out that that was exactly how he did it.)

“I guess I can leave if you want me to,” said Ronan, “But I don't know where I'd go. It's not like I can swim, y’know.” He paused for a second, before continuing more quietly, “I’m sorry about how things worked out, with Veon. I didn’t know Pad was bringing him, really. Maybe it would have been better if we’d warned you.”

“No… no, it's alright. I think I needed to see him. Although to be honest, that's the worst form of closure I’ve ever gotten.”

“It really is, huh? Like, not only is your boyfriend not dead but he's also been a selkie this whole time and gotten his memory wiped by the ocean of all things...” Ronan petered out by the end, as he realized how awful this was sounding.

“Husband, Ro. We were married.” Jan fidgeted with the ring around his finger, twisting it mindlessly.

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah.”

Ronan didn’t seem like he knew how to respond, so he opted for taking a bite out of his eggs. He almost immediately spit them back out

Jan laughed, and Ro smiled, relieved.

“How did I manage to both burn  _ and _ undercook them?”

“Talent, Ronan. Pure talent,” Jan sighed, “I guess we are going to have to work on those cooking skills of yours, if you’re going to stick around?”  _ Please, please stick around. I don’t know why I want you to, but things are better when you’re here. Even if you eat all my food. _

“I’ll try, Jan. Gods, I think I want to try.” Ronan studied the table. “Just… one thing.”

_ Anything. _

“Yeah?” Jan asked.

“If you find my cloak… you can’t give it to me. Not yet, anyway. Because if I want to keep this time, the only thing letting me keep it is not having my cloak. I don’t know why it’s this way, I just know that if I get my cloak back, there’s a high chance that the sea will call me back and I won’t be able to resist.” Ronan looked up at him, eyes pleading. “We are cursed, Jan. L—  _ Things _ between a selkie and a human… it never works out. Lir will try to reclaim what is his. And the sea… it washes away everything that stands in its way.”

“Okay.” Jan reached across the table to grab Ronan’s hand, squeezing gently. “I won’t give it back until you ask for it, or until I must. But Ro? You deserve to be free. I know how lonely the land makes you.”

“I’m not sure freedom is an option anymore,” Ronan muttered, nearly unheard.

“We’ll find a way. And, I guess you should know… I’m going to try and forgive Padraig. He seems like he’s trying. He even brought Virg- Veon… He even brought Veon back to me. It’s not alright, what happened. But I can’t do anything about it now. And at least he’s alive. Maybe, in this new life of his, he could even be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him, happiness. And I’ll get by.” His vision blurred and he looked down, blinking away the tears stinging at his eyes. “I’ll get by.”

Janus felt a quick squeeze on his hand, and he looked up to see Ronan just as teary-eyed as himself. 

“Who’s supposed to be comforting who now?” Ro said.

“Maybe we’re both messes.”

“Maybe that’s alright.”


	12. Chapter 12

A clear note rang out through the waters of the kelp forest.  _ A meeting? But what is there to meet about, there’s just— shit, it’s gotta be about Ronan. _ Pad shook himself awake, before heading quickly in the direction of the call. Around him, the rest of the pod stirred and set off, albeit more leisurely. Meetings like this were rarely held any other time than at the new moon, so Lorcan must suspect something. 

Pad arrived at the council’s meet in record time, powered mostly by some dark dread of what was about to occur. He nearly barged right in to find a spot for the meeting, but there were some echoey thoughts bouncing around so he held a spot in the shadows to listen. 

Lorcan and the captain of the guard floated several yards in front of him, deep in conversation. Pad could tell it was about something important from how they tried to keep the conversation cloaked. Unfortunately for them, Pad was one of the best empaths in the pod. This close to him, they didn’t stand a chance.

**_...possible someone among us knows where he is._ ** That was Lorcan, and he seemed… nervous for once. Lately he had been putting up such a front for Padraig, and for everyone really, that this meant something was going drastically wrong for him.

**_If I may, Your Majesty, didn’t you mean to bring him back several nights ago?_ **

**_I had, but that damn human found him first. It was too dangerous. And now, well, who knows what is happening up there. Is the… object well guarded?_ **

**_Sir, it is well protected in the grove to the south of—_ **

**_Stop! Saying such things aloud could bring trouble. Time runs short, the meeting will start soon. Make your way back to your post. Be sure you are not followed._ **

_ The grove? There can’t be that many important groves around. The coral grove, maybe? That would make for many good hiding spots. Do I follow the captain? _ Pad looked around to see if he could, but already the rest of the pod was arriving. He had no choice but to swim into the clearing with the rest of them, or risk suspicion.  __

Lorcan settled into his place atop the dais in the center of the clearing. His gaze was fixed above the crowd, as though trying to avoid eye contact with anyone who would try to talk him out of this course. _ Whatever he is about to do, it can’t be good. _

Elder Emlyn called the meeting to order with a quick blast of  **_Calm_ ** over the pod. Lorcan nodded to him, before finally letting his gaze wander down to his podmates.

**_As you all know, one of our brothers has been missing since the full moon dance. Ronan did not return on that night, and since then we have been searching tirelessly for him._ **

_ No, you haven’t,  _ thought Pad _ , You’ve only sent selkies to search the ocean and not a single one to the spot where he disappeared. Except maybe you went?  _ What he had gleaned from the conversation with the captain was far from clear, but he didn’t have enough time to mull it over before Lorcan continued.

**_Unfortunately, we have recently received word that all is not as it seems. Ronan was seen on the surface, possibly engaging in illicit interactions with humans._ **

_ Of course he would announce it to the pod.  _ Murmurs moved through the crowd, mostly indistinct feelings of apprehension or surprise. The war, and Lorcan’s subsequent rule, had left most selkies wary of the surface, and of humans especially.

_ I trust Ronan with this Janus, he can handle himself… but clearly not everyone will see it that way. _

**_We cannot rescue him until we know whether he needs to be rescued. If he is there voluntarily, actions to protect the pod from those who wish to destroy us may have to be taken. If you have any information on Ronan’s whereabouts or activities, please speak now. If he turns out to be treasonous and any selkie here did not speak up with the information they had, they will be considered accomplices and face… appropriate punishment._ **

Lorcan paused for a moment, drawing out the tension. This game he was playing, he was playing it well. It left Padraig deeply unsettled.  _ I’m not sure I even know him anymore, if he can threaten his own podmates like this. Especially over Ronan, after all that we had. He was really too young to be king. It’s changed him. _

**_Of course, I wish for all to be well, but we must be prepared. For the good of the pod._ **

A ripple of assent spread through the gathered selkies. For the good of the pod,  _ that _ they could understand. For as much as they cared about Ronan, the war had trained them to act for the good of all. The pod’s survival was worth more than one life, to them. Pad’s gaze skimmed across the pod, looking for anyone who might step forward.  _ I don’t think I was ever followed, I would have felt them. Besides, it’s just me who knows about Ronan, really. Just me. Wait. Fuck. Veon. _

He spotted him, on the other side of the clearing and already moving towards Lorcan.  _ No no no no no, Veon please don’t do this.  _ But there was nothing he could do but watch. There was firm determination in Veon’s dark eyes, his mind was past made up.  _ How could I not have realized? That night must have been worse for him than I thought. Oh, Veon… I am so sorry. I should never have told you. _

**_I’ve seen him, Your Majesty,_ ** said Veon. The pod’s attention snapped to him, and he wilted under their gazes. Still, he continued. **_He was on the surface. With a human, as you said. They… it wasn’t right, Your Majesty. He and the human may have some sort of, uh, relationship._ ** Veon seemed to choke on the words. Pad just looked on in horror.  _ Please don’t let Lorcan ask why he was up there. _

**_Please, elaborate. What was the nature of this “relationship?”_ **

_ Oh gods, I’m not sure that question is any better. Could they have— no. I would have noticed, right? That’s the one thing I am good at noticing.  _

**_They, ehm, seemed to have become romantically involved._ **

_ Shit.  _ Veon looked towards the seafloor, avoiding all eye contact. Pad was reeling. _ This is not good, this is very not good. They can’t be in love, they can’t. It never works out for us anyway.  _

**_I see. Then we know what must be done._ ** Lorcan let his eyes rake across the crowd, daring anyone to challenge him. Pad nearly considered it.  _ Who is Lorcan to talk? Apparently, he orchestrated this whole thing, taking Ronan’s cloak. It’s his fault, really.  _ **_There will be an expedition to the surface. Ronan will be tried for his treason. And the human, well, we will just have to see about him._ **

**_Elders, stay after the meeting, so that we may coordinate the retrieval. Pod, you are dismissed. If you are able-bodied, prepare for the expedition. We may need you._ ** Lorcan paused to let that sink in, before turning to swim out of the clearing.  _ I’ve got to get out of here, and fast. _ Behind Pad, one last bit of thought-speech caught him unawares.

**_Veon, to me._ **


	13. Chapter 13

It was nice, this evening. Fair weather and clear skies, the moon’s reflection dancing on the waves. And Janus was warm. Whatever this was that he had with Ronan, it was comfortable. Friendship? It felt like home, more like home than that cold cabin he had called by that name for too many years. The one who had made it home had moved on, but maybe Ronan, this selkie, of all people, was beginning to fill it again. 

They were on the porch, sharing the couch, maybe a little too close together but there was a chill in the air so  _ obviously that was why. _ Jan had just begun to doze off, when of course, something came out of the waves to interrupt them. 

**_Ronan? Are you over there?_ **

_ Ah, a selkie. Wait… _ He hadn’t heard anything like  _ that _ before. Padraig’s voice -- because it was Padraig, almost certainly -- rattled around in his head before settling down just behind the base of his skull.

“Hey, Jan. You might want to sit up a little bit, Pad’s coming up.” Ronan nudged him gently, and Janus realized with a start that he had been nearly asleep on Ronan’s shoulder.

“Oh? Hmpf, fine.” He sat up, trying to lean against the back of the couch but couldn’t get quite as comfortable.

“Hey, Ro, Janus,” said Padraig, “Some things just happened with Lorcan, and well I guess the important thing is that they know where you are, Ro. And they’re going to come get you. They’re calling you a traitor and it's just so horrible so please I just have to ask… Are you two in love?”

“No!” Ronan answered quickly.  _ No hesitation? Lovely. _ He must have revealed his reaction somehow, because Ronan barreled on. “Well, not that I couldn’t ever like you Jan I mean obviously something good is happening and I mean I like spending—”

“I can’t see how any of our personal business is relevant to this,” Jan interrupts.

“Oh. Well, the problem is… it’s kinda illegal?” said Padraig.

“Don’t worry, I’ve never really cared about what is or is not legal anyway.”

“Ronan, are you sure you should be staying with this human?”

“Says the literal kidnapper, Padraig.” Janus retorted. “Wait, sorry Ro. I was going to be polite.” He sighed. “It was a joke, selkie. Go on with your news, I suppose.”

“No, I- I’m sorry, Janus. I don’t think I ever apologized to you, and it shouldn’t have taken me this long. I was so focused on trying to help one person that I didn’t realize how much it would hurt others. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Just… promise me you’ll make sure he’s happy?”

“I will,” said Padraig solemnly.  _ I think I believe him. Gods, I can’t believe that I do but… I do.  _

Silence hung between them for a long moment, before Jan nodded. “Your news, Pad?”

“Yes, right!” said Padraig quickly, “Since all of the selkies are coming here, that means that your cloak, Ro, should be mostly unguarded? So—”

“My cloak? Wait, slow down, Pad, what?” Ronan had been on edge since Padraig had brought up love, and now he stood. Jan pulled himself to his feet next to him, because  _ apparently this is a standing-up conversation now.  _

“Uh, well, so the whole reason we’re in this mess is because Lorcan actually stole— or, ordered it stolen— or— or something, anyway, he has your cloak, Ro, and he’s got it hidden somewhere—” 

“ _ Lorcan _ took my cloak? Wh—”

“ _ Yes _ , anyway, they’re coming for us and we have to get it back! All I know is that it’s in some sort of grove, to the south of something, and probably unguarded because the warriors are  _ looking for us _ .” 

“Wait, the rock grove? It’s only accessible from its underwater entrance. It’s very well defendable, and besides the humans don’t know about it.  _ And  _ it’s on the south side of the island! That’s got to be where it’s hidden, right? And, Jan, Lorcan’s an old friend who became king during the war— he was only thirty-one, and it turned him into a total wrasse-sucker—”

“Okay, so I’ll go get your cloak while you two run,” Padraig said firmly. Ronan opened his mouth to agree, when Jan interrupted.

“Where exactly are we going to go? Ronan is a stranger here, and anywhere further than about a hundred yards inland we’ll start running into people. Besides, it’s an island. If the selkies want to find us, they will. And they’d have to be able to find us if we want to meet up with you.”

“Fine, then, what do you suggest?” said Pad.

“I go get the cloak.”

“ _ No _ .”

“Well, why not? I can fight, Ronan can vouch for that much. You two will hide here, and I’ll be back before you know it. The  _ Linda _ ’s faster than swimming, anyway. If the selkies get here first, hide in the rafters. Nobody ever looks up.”

“So… our best plan for surviving this is to send a human, one of the exact  _ creatures _ that has been trying to drive us extinct for decades, to the  _ one _ place that we’ve managed to keep secret from them?” Padraig shifted on his feet. “I don’t know about that, Ro, I mean…”  _ Creature yourself, selkie. _

“Pad, it’ll work. If he tried to tell anyone, the humans would probably want him dead as much as the selkies do right now. Fraternizing with the enemy, or some of that bu— B.S.” Between him, Jan felt Ronan grabbing for his hand. He shifted to squeeze back.  _ I’ve got this, don’t worry.  _ “Besides, I trust him. Shouldn’t that mean something?”

Pad sighed. “Okay, Janus. You can do it. And what if you don’t make it back?”

“Trust me, I will,” Janus turned to Ronan, trying to memorize his eyes, just in case. “I promise.” 

“Gods, you two are sappy,” Padraig muttered. 

“What?” said Jan. 

“I mean— I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before!” Pad gestured wildly between them, and Ronan stared at him in horror. “Whatever. Don’t even try to deny it again. I can be cool, okay? It’s fine. I’ll shut up now. Um… rock grove! Maybe that’s it? It’s on the south side of the island, and didn’t we go there with Lorcan a few times as pups?” Ronan shot him a look, as if to say that they were definitely not done with this conversation.

“I think so?” Ronan said, “Here, let me draw you a map, Jan.” Ro grabbed the closest bit of paper and one of Jan’s charcoals, then started sketching quickly. He rattled off an explanation of where it was, but Jan was only half listening.  _ Am I really that obvious? And now Ronan knows I like him, and apparently he likes me too, and oh gods what does this mean? _

_ Should I kiss him before I go? I mean, what if I don’t see him again? This could be my last chance. I wonder what it would feel like… Shit, Jan. Get your head out of the clouds. He’s a selkie, and anyway you have to survive this before you even  _ think  _ about what the future is going to be like.  _ _ Even if the future is probably just giving him his cloak and never seeing him again. _

“—Jan?” Ronan finished his explanation and looked at him, waiting.

“Sorry, what?”

“I just asked if you were sure you could dive that deep, it’s pretty far down.”

“Oh. You don’t need to worry about me, Ro. I’ve been doing this kind of stuff since I was a kid. I’ll be okay.” He smiled, and maybe it was convincing enough because Ronan relaxed.  _ Slather that false confidence on thick, Jan. You’re going to need it before this is over. _

* * *

In nearly no time at all, Jan found himself anchored above where the rock grove’s entrance is supposed to be. He patted his boat fondly.  _ Well, Linda, we had quite a run. If I don’t make it back, go see the world. You deserve it.  _ He took a deep breath, and twisted his spear in his hands until the grip felt comfortable.  _ Here goes… well, here goes everything. _

Without giving himself another moment for second thoughts, he jumped smoothly off the boat, letting his fall carry him under. He opened his eyes, and glanced around.  _ There _ .  _ That dark spot, that must be it.  _ With smooth strokes, he made it quickly into the dark of the cave entrance. Behind him, light from the surface dimmed until he found his way with one hand dragging along the cave wall.  _ C’mon, there’s supposed to be a light up ahead. _

He was about getting ready to turn back when the cave opened up around him, nearly all at once. Far above a skylight let sunlight filter in, glinting off the waves and  _ look at those rocks. _

It sure wasn’t called a rock grove for nothing. The walls of the cave were carpeted in crystals, everything from cassiterite to gypsum, with colorful corals growing throughout. It would have been breathtaking, if it weren’t for the water already doing that for Janus. He pushed off the seafloor and shot straight to the surface, gasping.  _ I guess it might have been a little far for me.  _ He took another breath and prepared to dive again, when a solid weight collided against his back.  _ Shit, there’s a guard. _ The selkie pushed him bodily underwater, using all of her seal weight to her advantage.  _ If she’s going to kill me, she is going to go for her spear eventually. _ Janus let himself be taken, relaxing to slow his heart rate so as not to waste too much oxygen before his chance. 

Down they went, further and further until they were nearly at the floor. Then, the pressure eased up.  _ Now.  _ Janus struck lightning fast, planting the butt of his spear in the selkies stomach just as she finished her shift.

**_Bastard!_ ** Janus felt more than heard her say it, but somehow he was definitely understanding this selkie.  _ Oh I definitely don’t have time to sort that out right now. _ While she recovered, his gaze swept the cave for Ronan’s cloak. The selkies kept other treasures here, some golden and some simple, carved heirlooms. When he finally saw it, he knew it had to be Ro’s. It just…  _ felt  _ like him, that tawny-blond fur.  _ Damn it, guard’s coming back. _

He parried her first strike, responding with his own when he could. She fought viciously, nearly flickering between human and seal. By the time Jan could respond, she was already in seal shape and flicking out of range.  _ Can’t keep this up for much longer, running out of air. _

He blocked her next strike and went in for his own, when suddenly he just…  _ faltered. _ He couldn't recover quickly enough and his lungs were near bursting, and the selkie took full advantage. She lunged, and the point of his spear grazed his shoulder. Janus did the only thing he could, and made a dash for the surface. But she was faster, driving the butt of her spear into his stomach and knocking all the air out of him. He inhaled and got nothing but saltwater.  _ Fuck. _

Janus was choking, the water was coming in too fast, his spear fell from his grasp and his hands went to his throat,  _ air I need air I need— _ all at once the feeling was gone. Cool, breathable  _ something _ filled his lungs, but there wasn’t enough time there’s never enough time. He felt more than saw the selkie take another strike at him and leaned sideways just enough to let it overshoot him. Now he was inside her guard, and with both hands he went at her like a wrestler. Before he could get a good hold, she shifted again and slipped free.  _ Now. _ Jan dashed for the cloak.

As soon as he grabbed it, whispered feelings and thoughts filled his mind like an electric cloud. This cloak, it didn’t just belong to Ronan. In some deeper way, it  _ was _ Ronan. It wasn’t all of him, for sure, but it was a tether, and anchor to his soul. Maybe even a key, if he were to mold it right.  _ No. I won’t. I’m going to give it back.  _ Janus pulled himself out of the whispers to see the guard coming back again.  _ Patience, Jan. _

He waited until she was nearly on top of him before pushing off against the wall hard. He twisted, just barely clearing her now-outstretched spear before stretching into an all-out sprint for his boat.  _ She’s gaining, she’s got to be gaining. _

Jan navigated the tunnel on half memory, half instinct until he’s out, this was the final stretch,  _ she’s got to be right behind me, just keep going.  _ Something inside him came alive with the adrenaline of the race and he put on that last bit of speed. It left him breathless as he came up on his boat.

Scrambling, he dragged himself over the side and fell in, limbs splayed everywhere. Something large thunked into the side of his boat, but after that the selkie seemed to give up. He heard nothing more from the water, and breathed a sigh of relief.  _ I’m not sure I’ll ever understand what happened in there… but I’m alive! Gods, I’m alive, and I even have the cloak. Maybe… maybe we can do this. _

* * *

Jan docked the  _ Linda  _ quickly, securing her with all the speed he could muster.  _ The selkies can’t have made it there yet, right? I have to get home. _

He practically sprinted the whole way back, the cloak poorly concealed in a satchel across his shoulders. Then he rounded the corner out of the trees and there they were. 10-15 seals were on the beach in front of his cabin, waddling in its direction.  _ So this is their idea of stealth, huh? _

Janus didn’t pause in his running, instead sprinting right up to them to get between the “seals” and the cabin. “Just shift, already. You’re here for me, aren’t you? And you  _ definitely _ aren’t fooling anyone with whatever that is.”

**_Shift._ ** The thought came moments later, from somewhere near the back of the pod. As one, every seal on the beach transformed into a beautiful but quite angry human. They all had their spears out, aimed directly at him.  _ I was definitely not supposed to be able to hear that. _

“You have one of our cloaks with you, do you not?” said one of the selkies.

“Oh, I’m not sure. Maybe? It could just be a normal seal pelt, they all look the same anyway.” 

The selkie growled, stepping forward.  _ Note: Maybe piss them off a little less? _

“Wait, wait, let me just pull it out and we’ll find out if it is, how about that?” Janus unbuckled the satchel quickly and pulled out the cloak. It was soft, like fine velvet, and nearly dry despite having been in the water only minutes ago. He held it up for them. “This look familiar?”

**_Get him._ **

“Oh, no, no, not quite yet, my dear friends,” said Jan, dancing backwards out of reach. He gripped the cloak more firmly in each hand before continuing. “If you come any closer, I might just have to tear this beautiful pelt up! Wouldn’t that be a shame?”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“You know what’s funny is, people keep telling me that lately. Maybe I would! How are you going to know without testing me?”

“What do you want, human?”

“Just what we all want: happiness.” Jan said. “But since I can’t have that, I’ll settle for a trade. You can have me, and do whatever you like. So long as you let me leave this treasure here. No harm will come to it, I can promise you that. You all have just proven to be such  _ terrible _ guardians of a cloak like this one, locking it up like that!” He tsked and shook his head. “That just won’t do. So, what do you say?”

“How do we know it will be safe here?”

“Oh, and I thought I was trusting you not to break your end of the deal! If your honor is as good as mine, all will be well.”

**_The king cares more about the human than that traitor’s cloak anyway. Just agree to the terms, there is a trial to hold._ **

“Fine,” the selkie grumbled, “Come quietly.”

“It’s good to know that you can see reason.” Janus got in one last jab before he folded the cloak gently back into the satchel and set it down on the sand. He walked towards the selkies, and they quickly tied his wrists together with some strange cord.  _ Ronan, you must get away. _

_ It will have been worth it, if you live. _

_ I’m sorry that we didn’t have more time. _

_ I should have kissed you goodbye. _

He felt eyes watching him, but he didn’t dare look back.


	14. Chapter 14

“Ohhhh shit shit shit this is very bad, Pad,” Ronan hissed, peering through the curtains at the front window.

“Get back! They’ll see you.” Pad tugged him back from the window, but Ronan spun on him.

“I have to see what’s going on, he’s in danger,  _ Padraig. _ ”  _ I can’t lose him. _

“That’s just the cloak talking.”

“It’s not, and you know it. I know you’d rather I not… Ehm… but that doesn’t matter! I felt this way before he grabbed it and I’m feeling it now after he left it for me.” 

“What? He left it for you?”

“Of course he did, it’s right there. Wait, you didn’t think he would do it?”

“No, I— I was willing to try it because it was our only shot. But I was also prepared to get it from him when he returned. By any means necessary.”

“Asshole. Whatever. I need my cloak back.” With that, Ronan flung open the door to the cabin and dashed to the cloak.

“Wait! Be patien— or not.”

_ Hello, Cloak. I’ve missed you.  _ Ronan pulled it over his shoulders, and nearly shifted into seal-shape right there on the sand. But he resisted, instead looking up as Pad caught up and started dragging him back to the cabin.

“They could come back, just be careful, Ronan. We are going back inside,  _ now. _ ”

“Alright, alright,” Ronan sighed into his cloak, its familiar weight easing some of his anxiety. Once back inside, Ronan was already feeling guilty.

“Sorry, Pad. I know you’re just worried for me.”

“Obviously. Wait, I mean, thanks. But I should have trusted your judgement. I know you love him.”

“Love? I never said love, I just…”

“Maybe you didn’t say it, but it’s still written all over.” Pad placed his hand over Ronans heart, before pulling him into a hug. “And, it’ll be alright. We will get him back.”

Ronan took a shaky breath, willing himself to believe it. 

“Ha, maybe I do. But are you really sure we can save him?”  _ I’m not sure I could bear it if we didn’t. _

“Yes. We just have to figure out how.” Pad started to pace the room, so Ronan chose to find the couch and mope. 

_ I already miss him- _

“What if we called the law of-”

_ -don’t want him to be gone- _

“-Won’t work, maybe-”

_ -never even got to tell- _

“-king’s claim-”

His thoughts and Pad’s muttering swirled in his head, until finally he spoke.

“I just… I wish I had kissed him. Just once. Just to see.” Ronan said quietly.

“Ronan, that’s it! You’re a genius!” 

“What do you mean, that’s it? I’ve just lost him forever, and to Lorcan, of all people.”

“No, but that’s just it, you haven’t lost him. In fact, all we have to do is make sure he’s yours.”

“I definitely don’t follow.”

“Ronan. If you were married, then your claim to his life outweighs even Lorcan’s.”

“But we aren’t married! I’m not that stupid, to marry someone I just met.”

“I know, I know,” Pad waved off his objections, “But Lorcan doesn’t. We just have to  _ convince _ them you two are married. Then, his royal ass will have to release him.”

“This is going to go terribly.”

“No, it’s going to go just swimmingly! You two are so lovesick that the elders will eat it right up.”

“If you say so,” Ronan took a deep breath, “Let’s do this.”

Once back in the ocean, they set off quickly towards the pod’s kelp forest. If they were to stop this in time, they needed to get there before the trial officially started. 

**_C’mon, Ronan. You’ve got this. All you have to do is tell the truth, kinda._ **

**_I know, Pad. Let’s just swim._ ** _ I’m worried about him. _

* * *

Coming up on the clearing, everybody had already gathered. Ronan stopped just outside to gather himself, but all thoughts flew out the window when he saw Janus.

He was tied up in the center of the clearing, arms pulled tight behind his back. They left him just sitting on the seafloor, and the selkies around him were laughing, of all things.  _ He’s human, can’t you see you’re killing him? _

**_Ronan, wait,_** Pad’s words were nearly imperceptible. **_And don’t talk back, they’ll hear you._** **_Look, Janus is breathing._**

Miraculously, it was true. He was only breathing shallowly, and he definitely looked like shit, but he was breathing.  _ That’s not possible. _

**_Calm, Ronan. Lorcan’s about to speak._ **

**_Today we gather for the trial of a human, accomplice to known traitor, Ronan, soon to be of Exile. As everyone here can see, this is the human with which Ronan conspired. You might also notice that he breathes the air as we do. This is unnatural for a human._** **_We will get to the bottom of this. It must have something to do with his involvement with the traitor. That is the goal of today’s meeting. Now, let us call the trail to order. Elder?_** Lorcan nodded towards Emlyn, who sat up straighter to send out the call. Instead, something else broke the silence. Ronan swam forward.

**_Actually, your highness, you have no right to try him. Janus of MacMeanmna is mine, and mine alone, above even your jurisdiction._ **

**_Oh? And how is that?_ ** Said Lorcan, almost curiously. His eyes cut into Ronan with a steel sharpness. Lying felt nearly impossible. Ronan gathered himself before speaking. Then he looked up, fixing his gaze on Lorcan’s.

**_He is my husband. By Branwen’s, daughter of Lir of the Sea’s, Mandate, you must back down._ **


	15. Chapter 15

**_Husband?_ ** Lorcan scoffed,  **_Impossible!_ ** _ Except… he is the most likely one to do something like this. The fool leads far too strongly with his heart. _

**_It’s true,_ ** said Pad, swimming forward,  **_I witnessed it._ **

**_And you did not put a stop to this folly? That makes you an accomplice, then._ **

**_They are in love! I could not in good conscience stop them._ **

**_Hmpf. You, however, are a friend to the accused, which makes you unreliable. If you truly want to save this_ ** **human’s** **_life, you will need better proof than that. So, Ronan. How do I know that you really married this “Janus?”_ **

**_U-uh… Well he’s breathing, isn’t he? Underwater, like us. Our bond keeps him alive._ ** _ Bond, Ronan? That is bullshit and you know it. I don’t know how he’s doing it, but it’s definitely not any “bond.”  _

**_That’s not proo—_ **

**_H-his ring! He has a ring! It’s a human marriage tradition, he told me about it. I, uh, had one too? But it was kinda too big for me? So I left it in the cabin._ **

Lorcan narrowed his eyes.  **_A ring?_ ** He twisted in the water and flicked his tail. The crowd around Janus parted for him and he stared into the beaten human’s defiant eyes. In his periphery, he caught Ronan starting forward, as if to stop him, but Padraig waved him back with a flick of his flipper before Lorcan could turn. Lorcan examined Janus’ hands. As Ronan had claimed, a golden band encircled the human’s fourth left finger.  **_If this is a human tradition, did you also abide by our traditions? What wedding gift did he bring you?_ **

**_He found my cloak, and returned it to me,_ ** said Ronan.  _ That much is true, I suppose. Those imbeciles let the human leave the cloak behind. There is… a solution to this. _

Lorcan straightened up and turned to face his old friend.  **_Well, Ronan. You too stand accused of some serious crimes. But we could settle this, without all of this ado of a trial. You invoked the gods, did you not?_ **

**_Y-yes. Branwen’s Mandate,_ ** said Ronan. He glanced behind him at Padraig as he said it, as though to confirm.  _ I’m not sure he knows what Branwen’s Mandate is. Curious.  _

**_Would anyone do me the favor of reciting the Mandate?_ **

Padraig swam forward a bit.  **_Should beings choose to unite themselves in marriage, in doing so they pledge their lives to each other. Marriage is protected by Branwen, so by her Mandate that pledge must be held above all other life debts,_ ** he recalled.

**_Right! So if you call in Janus’s life as a debt to the pod, it is my right to free him_ ** , said Ronan.

**_Oh, but Padraig, aren’t you forgetting the second half?_ **

Padraig sighed, glancing guiltily at Ronan before continuing. **_...If a selkie possessing the power of the pod calls the bond into doubt, the bond may be tried by combat, with Branwen’s grace bestowed upon the winner-to-be._ **

**_So, Ronan,_ ** Lorcan turned, drawing himself up to full size,  **_Do you accept my challenge? A duel, for your “lover.” To death, or till mercy._ ** Ronan withered under his gaze.  _ Good.  _ Until, he found some resolve and made eye contact. There was steel there, Lorcan saw.

**_I accept._ **

**_Well then. May you choose an honorable end._ **

**_And you as well._ **

At some invisible cue, the selkies moved backwards out of the clearing to open a circular ring between them all. Lorcan headed to his side of it, readying himself mentally.  _ It has been years since anyone but Battlemaster Rennurí has been able to best me in a duel, let alone Ronan. He always fought too impulsively when we were young. I doubt much has changed.  _ Lorcan looked over to the other side of the ring briefly, where Ronan and Padraig were arguing with each other.  _ So he did not know about the duel clause? Good. He is surely unprepared. Besides, he’s been on the surface and out of practice for days now. This will be simple, and then the matter will be put away without any fuss. _

_ Now, to fight. _

Lorcan shifted into human, giving his shape a few seconds to settle in. When he had first learned to do this underwater it had been disorienting, especially that brief feeling of drowning before Sídhe’s breath kicked in. Now, it was easy. Then, he focused for a second, before reaching out to grab his spear. It was simple, as he liked it, with only two inscriptions. The first, proclaiming it to be the Morrígan’s Gift, and the second, written in the Old glyphs and wrapping around the top quarter of the spear, confirming his divine right as king. It ended with the age at which he was crowned, a mere 31 years. He was still just a pup when it happened, really.  _ But I don’t regret it, not even that my mother died and left the crown to me when she did. I have done what I needed to for my pod. And they have needed me.  _ With that last thought, he finished checking over his spear and melted back into seal shape. Ready, he turned to face his opponent. 

Ronan had already been through the same checks, and was studying him from across the ring. When their eyes met, neither looked away. It was a calm measuring up, weighted with feelings and the length of their history.  _ So, this is what it has come to. I wonder if he’ll make me kill him, in the end.  _

Battlemaster Rennurí swam between the two of them to outline the terms of the duel.  **_Alright, babes, we all already know how this goes, but for the pups out there, the rules are pretty simple. Human and seal forms are both allowed, but no strikes at each others’ coats while they’re off. No low blows, either, and no face hits— we wouldn’t want to mess up those pretty little heads of yours. The fight goes on until one of y’all gives up or dies. May Branwen’s Campion prevail._ ** He backed up a few lengths, before shifting into human form to give the signal. He lifted his spear above his head, before bringing it down to thud into the sand between the fighters.

**_Begin!_ **

Lorcan kept his breathing measured, waiting. _Ronan is impatient, he will— he should have moved by now. Why isn’t he attacking?_ _  
_ Ronan grinned at him, as if to acknowledge how much he was unsettling Lorcan. _Fine. Let us begin in earnest._

Lorcan shifted, and began circling Ronan. Oddly, Ronan chose to remain human, keeping him at bay with quick pivots and his spear. Lorcan moved faster, trying to force him into seal shape. _ His human form can’t match my speed for long. _

_ There. _

Lorcan spotted an opening and lunged, shifting as he went to thrust inside Ronan’s guard with his spear. Ronan parried hurriedly, and shifted to meet Lorcan’s speed in seal shape. From there, the fight accelerated. Lorcan shifted blindingly fast at only a moment's notice, hitting the flicker state in stride. This style of fighting was exhausting, sure, but Lorcan could tell Ronan was already beginning to fall behind.  _ He’s out of practice. So much time on the surface has made him weak.  _

Lorcan thrust, but Ronan flicked into seal shape and rolled, passing under his spear and flitting away to regroup. Lorcan doesn’t let him take the breath, following up incessantly with strike after strike.

A heartbeat later and Ronan was behind, his shifts coming moment’s after Lorcan’s until  _ there _ he stayed human a moment longer than necessary and Lorcan darted in, his shift carrying a glancing blow onto Ronan’s retreating flipper.

After the hit, Ronan was really slowing. Lorcan doesn’t let up, throwing slash after slash his way until it’s all Ronan can do to continue parrying. He gets him backed up against the seafloor, and steels himself for the final blow.  _ I have to do this. For the pod. Branwen has declared him a liar, and I will win. _

He brings his spear down.

Ronan’s eyes widen, and then he jumps. He pushes off the seafloor, straight up at Lorcan and twists, just barely clearing the spear.  _ No! _

_ That is not how this is supposed to work. His human form shouldn’t be able to move that fast. This is not the way true selkies fight. _

Lorcan took chase, trying to get back into the position of advantage he had had before he butchered the final blow. Here and there, strikes landed but it no longer felt like winning, only prolonging the inevitable.  _ I just need one more opening, give me one more opening and I might yet finish this. _

And then, it comes.

After one of Lorcan’s slashes, only narrowly avoided, Ronan faltered in his movements. It’s all the hesitation Lorcan needed. He went all in on this thrust, following up brutally fast but somehow,  _ somehow _ Ronan was ready for him.  _ He faked it. _

Ronan caught the strike as it came towards him and redirected it deftly, flinging the spear out of Lorcan’s grasp. In an instant, Lorcan was pressed up against the seafloor, the sharp point of Ronan’s spear pressed to his throat. And yet… Ronan hesitated.

**_Do it. What are you waiting for, coward?_ ** The spear trembled, and Lorcan closed his eyes.  _ Branwen, may you give him the will to kill me quickly. _

**_No._ ** Ronan said.

Lorcan’s attention snapped back to Ronan.  **_No?_ **

**_No. I will not kill you._ ** Ronan pulled his spear back from Lorcan’s throat and looked up to scan across the watching selkies.  **_He has,_ ** Ronan bit out the words,  **_tried to be a good king. It is not for me to judge whether that is enough to redeem him, but as it stands I will not have my friend’s blood on my hands._ **

**_Friend?_ ** Lorcan echoes.  _ Stop repeating his words, say something. _ Ronan turns to look at him, golden eyes gone soft for just an instant.

**_It’s been many years, I know. And I don’t forgive you for stranding me up there. But,_ ** Ronan glances towards the human, still bound and surrounded by guards,  **_it may have been worth it. Besides, you don’t deserve to die. I would not have killed you back when you also called me your friend, so I won’t do it now._ **

_ Maybe they are in love. Strange magic, love. I wish I understood it. _

**_I’m going to go now,_ ** said Ronan,  **_And none of you are going to stop me. Please send word by Padraig on my sentencing._ **

All at once, the duel was over. Ronan swam to Janus, untying him deftly. They shared a moment, Ronan pressing his forehead to Janus’ in reassurance. Lorcan was too dumbstruck to do anything but watch.

_ They have something. I…  _ Lorcan shook his head, clearing the thought away. It would be dealt with at a later date. For now, there was quite a mess to clean up. He stood and watched as Ronan took Janus in his arms, and swam away to the surface. 

As soon as they were out of sight, Lorcan turned to leave the clearing.  **_Elder Emlyn, you may take charge for now. I must tend to my injuries._ **


	16. Chapter 16

On the shore of the isle, Ronan and Janus stumbled out of the waves. They were leaning heavily on eachother, each exhausted from their own fights and the long swim back. 

They made it a few steps up the beach before Ronan stumbled, pulling both of them down with a yelp.

“Hey, Jan,” he mumbled, reaching out to brush Jan’s hair back from his eyes. Jan smiled crookedly.

“Hey, Ro. You alright?”

“Yeah, I think so… just my foot’s complaining is all.”

“Okay, sit up, let’s take a look at it.” Janus pulled Ro up to sit beside him, and leaned over to look at the injury. His eyes widened. “Welp, we are definitely going to have to get  _ that _ cleaned up. Lorcan got you pretty good.”

“Oh. I guess he did.”

“C’mon, I’ll help you up. Try not to put too much weight on it, okay?”

“‘kay.”

Janus supported Ronan as much as he could as he hobbled to the cabin. Once there, he set Ronan in a chair on the porch. 

“Stay there, I’ll be right back with some bandages.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not leaving,” said Ro, unthinking. But… it was true. He didn’t want to leave this place, this person. He was smitten, with not a glimmer of escape. And that was how he liked it.

Janus stepped back out with the bandages and some damp cloths. “Please try not to move, if you can. It might sting.”

He worked efficiently, first cleaning and then wrapping Ronan’s foot. Afterwards it was almost comical how many bandages Janus had fit on it.

“You done yet, honey?”

“Oh hush, I just had to make sure the bandages were secure. I’m going to go make some tea, and then… well, I guess we have a lot to talk about.”

“Guess so.”

Ronan stared out over the ocean and tried not to doze off. It had been a long day. It had been a long  _ week _ . He just wanted to find a way to be happy. To make  _ Jan _ happy. Maybe this could be it. Maybe, he could stay.

Jan came back out with tea, passing Ro a steaming cup. Ro sipped cautiously, trying to get some warmth back into his bones.

“So,” said Jan, cautiously, “What exactly happened down there?”

“Well, I guess I proved that I love you.”

“You do?” Janus wasn’t sure what he had been hoping for, but this,  _ this  _ was beyond it. He hadn’t dared to hope that maybe this was something they could try.

“I do. Love you, I mean. Gods, Jan, I hadn’t said it aloud before! I thought it would be more romantic than that.”

“That’s okay,” said Jan. He set down his tea and scooted towards to Ro, who softly reached out to pull him closer. “You- you’ll have plenty more times to say it better than that. You will… right?” Janus debated leaning onto him further, and ultimately went for it. What exactly did he have to lose anymore? This was all he wanted, this comfort, this home.

“I will, I promise I will. I want to stay. But, Jan...” Ronan sighed. “We are in new territory. The selkies who have tried this before… well, it never worked out. But none of them were in love with  _ you _ , dearest. And that is all the difference.”

Even in its uncertainty, that was enough for Jan. They just needed to try. This curse? Well, the world had been trying to pull them apart this whole time anyway. And yet, here they were. Maybe being here was enough. 

He needed it to be enough.

“So… did we do it?” said Jan.

“Do what?”

“I’m not sure… it just feels like this is the end or beginning of something. And to be honest, I’d prefer it was the beginning.”

“The beginning of what?”

“Of us, Ro.”

“Oh, well if that’s it,” Ronan turned to grab Jan’s hand, and smiled softly. “Do you think I could kiss you now?” Janus’ heart nearly stopped, looking into those eyes. Gold, like the sun on waves or honey in your tea or—

“Please.”

Maybe Jan leaned in first, or maybe Ro, but whatever happened, it was  _ lovely _ . It was awkward and salty but gods it felt like home, like warmth and fire and everything you could hope for in a first kiss.

It felt like a promise of a future.

Their future.


End file.
